


Find Me In Your Memory

by SweetHottest13



Series: my first and last [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Car Accidents, Crying, Getting Together, M/M, Memory Loss, Panic Attacks, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:07:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26014756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetHottest13/pseuds/SweetHottest13
Summary: " My mind doesn't remember you , but my heart do "" I wish I can forget you . but you're in my heart and mind "
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Huang Ren Jun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Huang Ren Jun/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Kim Jungwoo
Series: my first and last [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1904257
Kudos: 12





	Find Me In Your Memory

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in my mind for a while , and it took longer than I excepted to finish it .
> 
> i HOPE YOU ENJOY READING IT

Renjun was exited for his first day at work , it took him a lot to get here , he was nervous for his first day but he was sure he can do good ,Ten his boss is a nice guy even though he can be wired sometimes , and he not worried over making friends since he would be locked in his office most of the time , he still has problems with communicating with strangers any way so this is his last concern for now .

He walked in the company building , he was here before once and he know where he need to go , he walked in the elevator and pressed on the button of the floor he need to be in , and just before the door close someone yelled " wait please " Renjun stopped the elevator and make sure the latter walked in .

The latter was busy tidying his things while talking in the phone , he bowed at Renjun and thanked him without looking at him , Renjun didn't care and take a deep breath heading to the bathroom to wash his hands and check himself one last time before leaving to the meetings room .

" I can't believe you're late when I told you to be here early ? "he can hear Ten voice scolding someone but he didn't sound like a boss .

" you wanted me here before him and here I'm right ? " he heard someone saying when he reached the door , he opened the door and bowed .

" oh , Renjunnie you're here " Ten said ignoring the other person " no need to bow we're not that old , aside from this one with angry face " Ten said with his hands on Renjun shoulders turning him toward the person he was with in the elevator ? , the latter wasn't looking at him yet so he just stood smiling .

" we're in the same age stop acting like you're young " he said and looked at Renjun holding his pin between his long fingers , he stared at Renjun in a wired way and his pin fall from between his fingers , while his eyes still looking at Renjun .

" collect yourself Kim Doyoung we have a meeting to run " Ten said and told Renjun to set down , the meeting was more like introducing to the project he and Doyoung would be working together .

once they were done someone tapped his shoulder and he looked to find someone smiling at him " hi I'm Jeno " he introduced himself with a smile and offered his hand , Renjun take it and introduced himself " I know who you're " he said and Renjun gave him a confused look " Ten Hyung has been talking about how hard it was to convince you to join us for a while, and Doyoung Hyung refused anyone else after he saw your drawing " .

" I hope I can help here " he said and walked with Jeno around the building .

**********************************************

" I'm not working with him " Doyoung said firmly and Ten ignored him and walked away " I'm talking to you ! " he said following the latter to his office .

Ten sat on his chair calmly and Doyoung sat in front of him " really ? you've been whining for weeks for me to hire him ,and it was so hard to convince him and suddenly you don't want him anymore ? you're funny to think that I would do what you want " .

" I can't work with him and I think he can't too " Doyoung said .

" but he didn't say anything " doyoung froze realizing what Ten just said , the latter didn't act wired , like they didn't broke up three years ago and didn't saw each other after , and even though doyoung hate to admit the latter still haunt his thoughts sometimes " at least tell your reasons " Ten said with a sigh and doyoung remained silent .

someone knock the door and Jeno walked inside with Renjun " Hyung I need to go now" he said his voice still soft like doyoung remember , he used to ta listen to him talking for hours without getting bored .

" yeah , Jeno can drive you " Ten said and Renjun was about to protest " please it was so hard to convince Sicheng to let you work here , he would kill me if I didn't take care of you " he said and turned to Jeno " Jeno he's in your hands help him with anything he need " Jeno nodded with a smile and they left .

Doyoung didn't have explanation to convince Ten to find someone else , and he need his job so he just need to deal with his heart breaker for a few months , and if he acted like he didn't knew him he can do the same .

*********************************

Renjun was so exited for his first official day in work , he can't believe Sicheng and Jaehyun letting him to do such thing ,they have been treating him like a child after the accident and he wanted to prove that he was fine for them and himself , he can't rely on them for ever .

he went to his office and Jeno knocked on his door after a few minutes " morning , are you ready ? Doyoung hyung waiting " he nodded and gathered his things following him , they went to a room full of tables and boards Doyoung already setting there in the corner , he greeted him and the latter answered him with a nod , Renjun thought he was rude but said nothing .

the first week went fast and he was working non stop from the minute he get in the company . until his leaving time , he would leaving Doyoung working alone and he would feel bad if he wasn't rude , Renjun thought he was grumpy in the first day , and didn't get enough sleep in the second , he always tried to find him an excuse but he noticed how he was always nice when Jeno was around so he has a problem with him .

it was Renjun second week and he was supposed to go out with sicheng and jaehyun for dinner , he was about to leave even after the time he and ten agreed on , the latter scold him and told him to not overwork himself yesterday , but he wasn't here today so he wanted o finish what was on his hands before leaving , he might work home if he wasn't tired .

he was already hour late from his time when he start gathering his things , Doyoung looked at him and asked "are you leaving already ? "he nodded and Doyoung sighed " you know I thought Ten hired you to finish this project quickly , but I don't know how this going to happen when you work half shift " he said looking at the design on his hands ,they were architects working in a big project together , they were still in the beginning stage , cause Doyoung fought with the one that was before him and it was hard to hire someone else get a long with him .

" if you have any problem about me leaving early , go and talk about it with Ten hyung " he said not wanting to let him think he can treat him like this , he didn't wait for his answer and left annoyed .

*************************************************

" wow you complained about him but you need to admit that he really good " Ten said the next day he just came after Renjun left , Doyoung didn't comment since it was true he focused on his work " come on you don't need to feel in love with him just finish this project and we will see for latter ".

" i don't understand why you hired him to leave early everyday when there is a lot of work to do " he said .

" he has a special condition don't you dare to say anything about it to him " Doyoung was surprised how ten become protective " look Renjun is not a wired bad guy , he just went through things , but i can't tell you or Sicheng " he paused shaking his head " just treat him like Jeno or something ? " .

like he could Doyoung thought , he already nervous about meeting Sicheng again even though they used to be friends , but what worst is he treating Renjun like his little brother , specially when he seem moved on and treating Doyoung like nothing had been between them before .

" whatever ... just leave me and go " 

*****************************************

" so how work is going ? is Ten hyung give you a lot of work ? " Sicheng and Renjun rolled his eyes at him .

" don't you dare to say anything , I can't believe you convinced him to give me half job " he said while they were setting eating dinner .

" i did nothing he was so depressed to hire you anyway " yeah Ten said he need him and no one can do this job other than him " you seem off though ? " Sicheng asked actually Renjun excepted him to ask before .

" everything is fine but there's this person in work , he cold to me i thought he need time , or he has some reason but he good with others and just has a problem with me " Renjun said " i think sometimes he might be from my past and I just don't remember him ".

" who's that idiot that could've problem with our Renjun ? " Jaehyun asked " and we told you no one you don't remember has a problem with you , you're so nice that everyone think he lucky for meeting you " .

" oh my god ! can you two stop talking me like this ? I swear to god I might throw up " he said cringing at Jaehyun words .

" but that's the truth baby " Sicheng said and Renjun shoot him a look making both of them laugh at him .

" anyway tell me who's that idiot that has been bothering our baby ? what his name so could tell if you knew him before " Jaehyun said feeding him .

" you two wired you know that ? instead of spoiling each other you waste your energy on me " he said and both shrugged with smile on their faces " his name is Kim Doyoung " .

Renjun barely finished his sentence and the glass fall from Sicheng hand breaking , Jaehyun shoot him a worried look " sorry i'm clumsy " he said trying to smile while getting up " i'll go to get something to clean this " 

************************************************

" baby are you there ? "Jaehyun asked waving his hand in front of Sicheng face , they were in a date in their favorite place , but the latter was distracted " are you thinking about what Renjun said the other day ? ".

" sorry for ruining our date ... but I can't help get worried " he said and Jaehyun held his hand kissing his palm.

" don't apologize i'm worried too , but i don't think if this Kim Doyoung is the one we know , he would want to do something ,Renjun has been working with his for a while and if he told him anything , he would've asked us " .

" i know but i can't trust him " Sicheng said taking a deep breath " i wish Renjun would find another job as son as possible or don't work at all " .

********************************************************************

Doyoung watched Jeno and Renjun laughing together while they went out too eat , Renjun still has this shy perfect smile , were his single dimple show , it seems that he and Jeno and he getting along well , Jeno was telling him about his boyfriend when he noticed something wired , Renjun never meet Jeno before but he and Haechan went to the same college , so why he looked like he saw him for the first time when Jeno showed him his picture ? when Donghyuk used to be his best friend .

" i'm sure you two would get along well right doyoung hyung ? "jeno asked exited and before he can answer he glared at renjun who gulped and then jeno phone start ringing " that's him i guess it's my time to leave " he said smiling and renjun smiling at him .

they sat in silent for a while until Renjun decided to speak " hyung ? "it was the first time he called him that since they meet again " can i call you that ? " he asked and Doyoung looked at his shinning eyes , he looked beautiful as before even though he lost so mush weight , he was already thin when they were together , Doyoung always make sure that the younger was eating well , but even now he still make his heart race , he even got a new hair color , it's blonde and it suit him so much , he look younger with his long bangs but he keep blowing at them when they cover his beautiful eyes , the eyes that he always get lost while looking at the, like now .

he shake his head " i don't care you can call me whatever you want " he said harsher than he meant.

" what's your problem ? you don't have to like me at least show some respect " Renjun snapped Doyoung was acting like he had a revenge against him " i was trying to act like a decent person but i guess i shouldn't , you can hate me all you want " he said and put some pills on the table and left , Doyoung called him but he didn't and was next the door , he put more money and followed him , it has always been like this between them , they get mad and fight and one of them leave.

" stop we need to talk " he said walking fast trying to follow the younger , they came in his car and he never saw him driving after he joined the company ,which us actually wired since he used to has his car when they were together , he catch him thanks to his longer legs " why you running away like it's my fault ?" he said annoyed holding Renjun arm while trying to catch his breath .

" oh , really ? so what i did for you to you to hate me ? " Renjun asked in disbelief , they barely had a decent conversation about something not related to work , even when they talk about work Doyoung sound pissed most of the time , and Renjun tried not to care , but he hate when someone being unfair to him " let go of me i has nothing to do with you " he said frowning .

Doyoung let go of his arm and was about to talk , but Renjun eyes suddenly look behind him " Lucas hyung " he yelled waving his hand , he turned around and a tall handsome guy was next to them the next second , crushing Renjun in a tight hug " how did you find me ? "he spoke to the stranger softly different from how he did with him .

" you said you're having a dinner out in the area , and i was around and saw you " he said smiling at Renjun and he eyed Doyoung " everything alright ? who's that ? " he asked and Renjun held his hand not looking at Doyoung .

" someone i work with " he said and tiptoed to peck that Lucas lips " let's go i'm tired " he said and walked away without sparing Doyoung a glance .

_someone i work with ... someone i work with_ those work kept ringing on his head while driving to his apartment , he just someone from work nothing more to him ,he used to tell him that he was his world , and now he just a random person from work , he hit the steering wheel angrily hurting his hand .

he was mad that it's still affect him that Renjun consider him a stranger now too, he even told his current boyfriend that too , he has a new boyfriend and he didn't hesitate to show him to Doyoung , why it's still making his blood boil seeing him with someone else ? .

maybe cause he still can't move on from their memories , and he can't have a normal relationship when the younger still everywhere in his mind and heart , no matter who he meet he couldn't change that .

he opened his apartment door and sighed , he tried to remove everything remind him of the latter , but he couldn't remove him from his memories , he walked to the kitchen to get some ice for his hand , and closed his eyes remembering how they have a lot of memories here , they cooked together mostly Doyoung cooking since he always liked seeing Renjun eating with how little he was eating , he would cook for him while he study and the younger would tried to guess what he was making by the smell , they would argue over the little things they like and don't like , mostly to tease each other but then Doyoung would lean to clean some food from renjun face and would kiss him , and they would just stare at each other smiling like idiots .

***************************************************

Renjun walked on their working room and sat at his place after murmuring a simple good morning , he used to try to talk with Doyoung but give up . he start working ignoring the latter existence, he was focused on his work and he didn't notice that time passed " aren't you supposed to leave already ? " he heard Doyoung asking .

" i still has work to do " he said without looking at the latter .

Doyoung didn't comment and get back to work " i'm hungry should we order something ? "he asked Renjun didn't answer first , then he nodded and excused himself to go to wash his hands .

they sat in silent when the food come ,Doyoung take the food out while Renjun take medicine and water bottle from his bag, Doyoung was surprised why he has a lot of medicine with him , he noticed that he always have them with him , , he take some before eating , and the rest after he was done , he wanted to ask but he thought it wasn't his business .

they worked until it get dark Doyoung decided to end it here today , he start gathering his things while Renjun while busy texting someone " i need to go " he said and get up and saw Doyoung doing the same ,

they walked out together without saying anything , it was dark outside and everyone else left already , Doyoung opened his car door while Renjun stood looking at his phone " where's your car ? "he asked .

" i Don't drive " he answered without looking at him , Doyoung was surprised with the answer , it's not that he doesn't have a car , but he don't drive ? Renjun that he knew get his driving licence after he become an adult , but why he said that he don't drive ? did he change after they broke up ? .

he thought and was about to offer him a drive when a car stopped next them , Renjun said a quite good night and ride on the passenger seat , and Doyoung was able to recognize guy from the day before . and he was thankful that he didn't embarrass himself, why he make a big deal of Renjun saying he don't drive ? he just meant that he don't need to cause he has a boyfriend who ready to drive him everywhere , he shake his head and ride his car .

*****************************************

Renjun walked Lucas to Jaehyun and Sicheng apartment , he opened the door and Sicheng rushed to him asking a lot of questions " how was your day ? are you alright ? you didn't overwork yourself right ? "

" baby let him breath and put his things away first , then he would tell us how his day went " Saehyun said and Sicheng let him take his shoes off , he sat on the dinner table after washing his hands .

" like any other day no need to freak out " he said and start eating " and i take my medicine don't worry " he added .

" i don't understand why you suddenly changed your mind about working half a day " Sicheng start talking " Ten hyung said it's fine you can't tire yourself " .

" but i don't think it's necessary" Renjun answered " i'm fine and if i want to get better i can't stay home half of the time doing nothing " he added and put his spoon down get up taking his plate to the sink " i'll go to change " he said and turn to Lucas and asked him " hyung i'm tired see you tomorrow " he kissed his cheek and went to his room .

" i have a bad feelings that it's all Doyoung fault " Sicheng said annoyed .

" who's Doyoung ? "Lucas asked .

" Renjun coworker " Jaehyun answered " just let him be you know how this job is important to him , we will make that he alright , just let's not bother him much " he said pulling the latter to hug him .

" i'll try " he said and raised himself from Jaehyun side and asked Lucas " where are you taking his tomorrow ? " .

" there's a nice coffee i'm sure he would love it ,we might go shopping too if was fine " Lucas said shyly " it has been a while since we went on date " .

***********************

Renjun sighed in relief when they entered the coffee , they went shopping before and Lucas bought a lot of things , he tried to stop him but he would pout and Renjun didn't want to ruin their first time together in a while , he meet Lucas while he was in the hospital and the latter make it obvious that he liked him from the beginning , he rejected him and explained to him that he wasn't ready to be with anyone , but the latter asked him to be his friend and he didn't mind that , until a few months ago when Lucas asked him out again and he agreed .

he didn't find any reason to reject him , he was nice handsome man that he won't find someone like him everyday ,specially that he liked and spoiled him so much , so they have been going out for a while now , and when he start working they have less time to spend together .

" i'm sure you would like it here , i always come here before going to work " Lucas said exited .

" i don't know you know my standard are high " he said teasing him and laugh when he saw Lucas face " oh my god i'm joking don't making this face ! what are you five ? " .

Lucas smiled at him and hit his head and asked " it's time for you to take your medicine right ? you have them with you ? Sicheng and Jaehyun hyung would kill me if you don't " he asked panicked .

" don't worry i have them with me " Renjun said and Lucas relaxed a little " i'll go to the bathroom first and i'll come " .

" is that your boyfriend ? "Lucas heard someone asking , he look and find the handsome barista smiling at him " what can i get you ? ".

" oh , yeah he's " he answered shyly " i'm not sure what he would like to have , can i wait him to order ? " .

" sure " the barista said and looked away " Doyoung hyung what i owe to have you here ? " he said when someone walked through the door .

" Jungwoo if you don't want me to leave , then please don't bother me " Doyoung said and frown when he saw someone setting in his favorite seat , where Jungwoo was standing , and he was surprised when Renjun walked toward the table , he didn't notice him yet but he stared at him .

" sorry hyung but he already taken " Jungwoo whispered in his ear and he pushed him away , walking to other table and he heard the latter asking Renjun what he would like to order.

" we have been on our leg's since the morning i'm sure you hungry , and you need to eat to have your medicine " that medicine thing again Renjun wasn't the healthiest person when he was with him , but he never was taking medicine regularly like this , he was startled when the boyfriend spoke again " how about we have cake and something to drink since you refused to have launch ? " Renjun nodded .

" ok , i'm not that hungry anyway " Renjun said he always said this when he offered food .

" ok i'll take cheesecake and coffee , what about you ? " 

" i'll go with chocolate cake and tea" he said and added " i don't think i should drink coffee " .

Jungwoo take their orders and looked at him and asked in a loud voice " the same ? " he nodded trying to look away .

Lucas was talkative always and Renjun would listen to him " hyung ? " he said while cutting his cake " it's a nice place ... " 

" i'm glad you liked it " Lucas said smiling " i'll order more , do you want to have anything else ? " Renjun shake his head .

" i wanted to talk to you about something actually " he said after Lucas ordered more cake " i guess it's time for me to move out and i wonder if you could help me to find a place ? ".

" oh, are you sure ? " Lucas sounded surprised Renjun nodded " Sicheng hyung and Jaehyun hyung know ? ".

" not yet but i'll tell them once i found a good place " he said " i can't live and rely on them for ever" he added .

" i understand of course i'll help you " Lucas said and Renjun thanked him " i wish you asked to move in with me though " .

" you don't even live alone " Renjun protest " beside i don't want to stop relying on the hyungs to move to you " he explained and finished his cake .

Doyoung tried to not focus on their conversation but he fined himself listening without intention , Jungwoo sat in front of him and eyed him " if you kept looking at him like that i might think he's your ex " he said and Doyoung didn't answer but looked away " no way " he gasped loudly .

" we work together too " Jungwoo patted his shoulder hearing that " but he act like he don't know me and i start do the same too " .

" excuse me can we have some cake to take out ? " Jungwoo heard Lucas asking " oh you're Renjun coworker right ? " Doyoung cursed " hi i'm his boyfriend Lucas"he offered his hand smiling .

Doyoung stared at the big hand and looked to find Renjun standing Renjun putting his things in his small back , he raised his head and their eyes " Doyoung " he tried to sound polite as much as possible while shaking his hand .

" hyung ' he said and stood next his boyfriend looking between them .

" so which cake do you want ? " Jungwoo asked .

" i don't know ? baby what cake Jaehyun and Sicheng hyung would like ? "he asked looking at Renjun .

" get them strawberry or cherry or anything like that" he said .

" ok i'll get you this " Jungwoo said and walked toward the kitchen .

**************************************************************************************

" hey you look tired ? is Doyoung hyung giving you so much work ? " Jeno asked him while he was getting fresh air .

" no it's not like that , i'm looking for a new place this why " he answered smiling .

" but i heard that last two weeks you're staying late at work " Jeno said " are you alright ? " .

" don't worry i'm not that weak , it's was my brother who asked Ten hyung to give me less working hours " he explained " and what i told you about doesn't give me an excuse to work less " .

" ok if you sure " Jeno said smiling Renjun loved when Jeno smile so he smile back , it always make him feel in peace , he doesn't have a lot people in his life , mostly his brother and his boyfriend , and his own boyfriend , his parents dies and left them enough money to live " but if Doyoung hyung bothered you just tell me , ok ? " .

Renjun laughed and nodded " if you want to help me then help me to find a new place " he said jokingly .

" actually i can do that i know some place we can see it when you have time " .

***********************************************************************

" what do you think hyung ? " Renjun asked Lucas they were in the apartment Jeno recommend for him ,it wasn't big or small one bedroom , living room . bathroom and kitchen , the right size he won't need more .

" it's nice and not far from my place , you call me if you need anything and i'll be here in minutes , tell me to thank your friend later " Renjun didn't think about this but he liked the place .

" i guess i need to talk to Jaehyun hyung soon then " he said .

" tell me if you want me to be there when you talk with Sicheng hyung " Lucas offered even though he sounded scared .

" don't worry i'll let Jaehyun hyung do the hard job " he said smiling looking around " i guess this would be my new place " he said to himself smiling .

Renjun went to the work happy the next day knowing that he can move to his own place place once he talked to his hyungs , he planned to visit Jaehyun this afternoon he already told ten that he would be leaving early , he was happy and nothing or anyone could ruin his day .

or he thought so when he walked into the working room and found an angry Doyoung glaring at his drawing " what are you doing ? " he asked frowning .

" think of the best way to get ride of this kids drawing " Doyoung answered without looking at him" do it gain i don't want to put such thing in the project that i have been working on for months " .

" really ? you think of my drawing as kid drawings ? " Renjun asked rising his eyebrows and Doyoung looked at him and nodded " but what to do i can't change it cause i think it's better than all the scribble you keep call as working " .

" what did you called my drawing again ? "Doyoung asked annoyed " take it back and apologize now or nothing good would happen " .

" why i would ? i just said the truth " Renjun doesn't really think like this , he know that Doyoung is one of the best he saw his previous works , and this was one of the reason that he agreed to work here out of everywhere , but if Doyoung was acting rude toward him he can be rude too , he can let it go if he criticized his work but he won't let him mock his work that he put all his effort on " if you want an apologize you do it first " .

" why i would it's up to you if you want to keep your kids drawing , but i won't it near my drawing " Doyoung said lowering his gaze on renjun level .

" oh , really ? we'll see about that in the evaluation in the next meeting then , cause as i know Ten hyung has the final decision , and if you think you can do a better job , then it's up to you cause i have better things to do " Renjun said and walked as far as possible in the room " you can tear it if you want i have the original copy home and on my computer he said and start working ignoring the latter , he has better things to focus on for now and when it was his time to leave he went out without saying anything .

Renjun knew he and Doyoung don't get along , because the older was rude to him , but it was the first time he criticize his job , he gave him some notes before , and he really appreciate them ,but it was the first time he was this harsh , and he know he might made a mistake challenging him like this in the next meeting , which was in the next week but he can't let him talk to him like this, if he has a personal problem he can't take his anger on him .

" Kim Doyoung " he groaned while waiting to Jaehyun to call him .

" Renjun ? are you alright ? "he looked and find Jaehyun leaning against the door , he get up and walked toward him inside the room waiting him to follow .

" i'm fine " he said taking a seat " i won't take of your time but i need your help on something " .

" sure do you want to drink anything ? " Jaehyun asked him and Renjun shake his head .

" i want to move out " he start and Jaehyun eyes widen " don't get me wrong you and Sicheng hyung done more than enough for the past three years , and i can't keep relying on you guy's , i already found a place and just wanted to talk to you before i move on completely " Renjun bit his lip nervously .

" i wish i can say something to make you change your mind , cause everything you said we did , we wanted to do " jaehyun start and take a deep breath " but if this what you want . then it would be hard to tell Sicheng " he said smiling while rubbing his neck nervously .

" that why i came to see you first " Renjun said and Jaehyun start smiling .

" but you need to be there too , you can't let me face angry Sicheng alone ? "he said and Renjun nodded .

" what ? you're kidding me right ? Jaehyun how did he convinced you ? "Sicheng said as soon Jaehyun told him " i won't agree to such thing " .

" hyung please calm down " Renjun said he knew it would be hard to convince Sicheng " look it's not far from here , you can always come and visit, and i'll keep coming here ,

but i need to stop depend on you at everything " .

" who said we mind you depending on us ?" he yelled and locked at Jaehyun " Jung Jaehyun did you said anything ? " Renjun was a red line for Sicheng.

" what ? of course no -- baby calm down and listen " Jaehyun tried to take step toward him , Sicheng shake his head but didn't move " look i know you're worried but Renjun is an adult and he would come to us if he wasn't comfortable ,and he would always have a place here " he held Sicheng hands pulling him toward him .

Sicheng looked down not saying anything " hyung i promise if i didn't feel well to come here , and i'll answer your calls anytime i promise " .

" it would be easier if you just stayed here " he said in a low voice and Renjun sighed and looked at Jaehyun pleading him with his eyes to say something .

" we can't force him to keep listen to us fuck " Jaehyun said and Renjun rolled his eyes .

" then we won't do it when you home if this bother you " Sicheng said hopefully .

" dong sicheng " both renjun and jaehyun yelled at him and he looked down .

" i'll see the place and i'll decide later " he added after a while ,Renjun nodded and Jaehyun pulled him in a hug kissing his cheek.

***************************************************

Renjun decided to move out in the weekend , Jaehyun and Sicheng came to see his apartment , and helped him to move his things , but they were acting wired , they asked him about his neighbor , if he meet him or not ? he didn't but why this is important ? are they going to ask who live in the apartment in front his to keep an eye on him ? he would fight them if they really did that , what made things stranger is that Jeno said someone he knew lived here . 

he could worry about this later , after he done with the meeting and see who would win between him and Doyoung , now he hs more important things to do he was nervous and tried to act like nothing , Doyoung wasn't around in the meeting room yet , but he saw him talking with Jeno outside .

" did you really needed to go this far hyung ? " Jeno asked " you were the one who asked Ten hyung to hire him and refused anyone else , you even said you two work well together , so what happened ? " .

" i was wrong ? " Doyoung tried and Jeno glared at him

.

" hyung i'm serious " Doyoung sighed and looked where Renjun was setting texting someone , probably his boyfriend he frowned at the thought , it was more than enough that they have to work together while Renjun acted like he didn't knew him ,and Jeno would always side with him , Jeno who he considered as his little brother , chose someone he just meet over him and he just said he has his reasons if you think he's wires , just try to get close to him and he would tell you , like he want to be close to him , and what's reason he could be talking about ?.

" tell me why you're siding with him ? " he asked trying to not anger the younger .

" cause you're just being unfair to him ... he didn't even get to do anything to bother you ... " Jeno said and paused looking at Doyoung " you knew him before he start working here ? oh my god that make sense , you wouldn't have been mean to him if you tried to ask him how he has been " .

" i wasn't mean to him " Doyoung said and sighed " look you know nothing and i don't want to talk about it , he already acting like he didn't knew who i'm and i just do the same " hyung Renjun doesn't act like he doesn't know who you're he really don't" Jeno said and Doyoung looked at him confused " what i mean he doesn't remember you ".

" what are you talking about ? why he won't remember me ? " Doyoung asked frowning he doesn't get what jeno said .

" he suffer of amnesia " Jeno said in a low voice " i don't know when you two stopped seeing each other or why , but if you want to understand him just try to talk to him " Jeno said and left going inside the meeting room , he stood trying to progress what he just heard , Jeno can't joke over something like this ,and actually even if he hate to admit this is a good explanation for why Renjun act like he don't know him , but what happend and why ? .

he was pulled of his thoughts when Ten called him to go inside , he walked inside and stood next Renjun who was avoiding looking at him , he watched him carefully wondering what happened after they parted ways.

Renjun could feel Doyoung eyes on him and he shifted trying to get away from him , he wasn't feeling his best and they barely started the meeting ,Ten is talking now , and Doyoung would be the next to explain what he prepared and he would follow after , he hear Ten telling Doyoung to start and he can hear talking about the project but he couldn't get what he was saying , he was getting a headache and his eye blurring he was struggling to focus , he tried to reach the chair next him to hold it ,but his hand catch the air and he was feeling dizzy and lost his balance and the last thing he remember , the screams before he closed his eyes .

Doyoung didn't get what happened he was talking about his drawing , and suddenly Renjun fainted while he was standing next him , he knelled next him trying to wake him up , but he get no response and Ten told him to pick him to take him to the hospital , they rushed to the parking spot and ten asked Jeno to drive taking a seat in the passenger seat , and he sat in the back seat Renjun in his lap .

" Jaehyun , it's me Ten you're at the hospital right now ? Renjun fainted and we're on our way " he said and Doyoung shivered it has been years since he last saw his ex - best friend Jung Jaehyun , after he broke up with Renjun he didn't see him , until one time he came to his home for the first time in months , it was night and Jaehyun looked tired , he was quite for a while and Doyoung let him gather his thought , then Jaehyun started to talk he didn't talk about Doyoung or himself he just said Renjun name and told him that he need to come with him to see him , but Doyoung refused and Jaehyun get mad at him they fought that night badly , and Jaehyun said that he won't see him again , and he really kept his promise from that night .

Jaehyun was waiting outside when they get to the hospital , he take Renjun from his hands and rushed inside ,he followed him with Jeno and Ten, he watched him putting him on a bed in the emergency room and checking him , while Ten explained what happened and Jaehyun asked them to walk outside , he came out after a while restless and he asked Ten to call Sicheng , Ten groaned but went to call Sicheng,Jeno went to the bathroom and they stayed alone .

Jaehyun stayed silent and Doyoung was dying to ask him what's going on " you need to go before my boyfriend get here " Jaehyun said and Doyoung knew he should , Sicheng would rip his neck from his body if he saw him .

" how is Renjun ? " Doyoung asked and Jaehyun get up giving his back a sign that he won't tell him " don't you think i deserve an explanation after three years ? "Doyoung said irradiated and Jaehyun looked at him chuckling mockingly .

"no hyung you deserve nothing , i came to you three years ago , Sicheng did too ,we tried to talk to you back then and you just refused , and now you can't ---" he paused closing his eyes " just leave Sicheng won't be polite as me with you , and i won't even try to stop him , but we have better things to take care of " Jaehyun said and left him thinking what he should do , leave or stay ? .

" hyung are you alright ? " Jeno asked him and he get up .

" yeah i'll leave tell me what happened " he said and left before Jeno could say anything .

***********************************************************************************

Renjun wake up feeling his head throbbing like he hit a hard stone , he open his eyes slowly and closed them immediately when the light hit his face " hyung the light " he said in a weak voice , and he felt someone holding his hand , must be Sicheng he can hear sniffing .

" you scared us " Jaehyun said and Renjun opened his eyes again " how are you feeling ? ".

" my head hurt a little " he said and Jaehyun stroked his head gently " i'm fine hyung " .

" you're at the hospital after you fainted , don't dare to say you're fine" Sicheng said seriously .

" baby let's calm down " Jaehyun said rubbing Sicheng back " we did all the required check up and nothing changed since last time , something else happened ?" he asked Renjun ."

" i don't know i was fine and the next second , i guess i imagined or remembered something , i'm not sure if it was from my memory or not, but then my head start hurt and I passed out " .

" what did you saw ? " he asked .

" it wasn't clear i was with someone in restuarnt or coffee shop , it wasn't crowded and i guess there was other people with us but i'm not sure " he said confused .

" i guess it's one of your memory , and your mind just get shocked since you have been trying to remember for a while for now , that why you fainted " Jaehyun said " thanks god it's not serious " he added and they heard someone knocked the door and came in .

" oh , you're awake ? thank's god " Jeno said walking inside with a flower bouquet , he gave it to Sicheng while smiling shyly .

" what are you doing here ? " Renjun asked him .

" what you mean what i do here ? i brought you with Ten hyung " Jaehyun sighed that he didn't mention Doyoung , the later must have warned him not to , which is good saying his name won't be good for anyone " Ten hyung went to buy food " .

"thanks you two for taking care of our Renjun " Sicheng said " baby he staying the night here tight ? " .

" yeah , don't give me that face " Jaehyun said when Renjun was about to protest " we need to make sure you're alright , or i won't let you get back to your apartment " he threatened and Renjun stayed silent pouting .

************************

Renjun was thankful that Jaehyun was able to convince Sicheng to not stay with him , even if he needed to take the next few days off , he felt relief that he won't need to deal with Doyoung , who didn't bothered asking how he is , he didn't except hi, to visit , but a message would be enough , what ever he was glad that he start getting memories after this years , even if they still blurred , Jaehyun said he might remember everything with time .

he was happy today Lucas came and spent the day with him , he had been staying home for a few days now , and he was going back to work tomorrow , he decided to go out to get fresh air , and buy a few things since he would busy to do , he took his wallet and phone and walked out the store was close , so he would walk he get the things he need and walked out he was about to wlk the building when he saw abroad shoulder guy walking in , that can't be Doyoung right ? he must imagine things , he shake his head and went to his apartment , he saw the door that Sicheng asked about when he moved in here closed , he didn't meet who live here yet so he don't know what to think about .

Soyoung was surprised to see Renjun the next day at work , he even came before him " good morning ?" he said and Renjun greeted him back busy with what he was already doing " how are you feeling ? "he asked carefully .

Renjun stopped what he was doing to look at him " i'm fine don't worry i won't faint on you " he said coldly , and it sting even if Doyoung deserve this treatment , he was hurt so he didn't say anything and start working .

when it was their break time he was thankful that Jeno joined them " you really look better " Jeno said and Renjun smiled at him " you must be really happy " .

" i'm fine and happy " Renjun answered : i hope i'll be able to figure out everything as soon as possible , and live a normal life " .

" i'm sure you could " Jeno said smiling " but i'm surprised your hyung let you come to work , i thought he would lock you for months or worse won't let you come back , i'm not even talking about the doctor one his boyfriend bu the way " Jeno said .

" don't remind me please they both love me so much that sometimes i wonder if i was their lost son or something " Renjun complained " but i'm thankful to them though they didn't left my side after what happened , even though i was annoying sometimes " .

" that's good to have people care about you like this " Jeno said " i thought Doyoung hyung love me too , but i doubt he love me that much " Jeno said teasing Doyoung who was silent not even eating , but he give him a bored look .

" don't say that you know why they do that " Renjun said seriously " i'm sure you won't want to be in my place " he said and Jeno apologized but Renjun told him it was fine .

Doyoung knew Sicheng loved renjun he's his real brother after all, when they first start dating he didn't like it even though they were friends , but Renjun always knew how to get what he want , and Sicheng didn't bother them unless they fought , and it was worse that he and Jaehyun were already dating , it wasn't that bad honestly until the last two years , when they were fighting ,most of the time , Doyoung lost his job and he was stressed and Renjun was working on his graduating project , they were walking on a thin ice around each other .

both were stubborn and this make things worse , they won't acknowledge their mistakes ,and most of the time they would forgive each other without talking about it , anniversary would come , or something good or bad happen to one of them and they would want to share it with the latter , cause no matter what they both loved each other so much , and that what make them always sticking next each other , no matter what they always found a way to make things work .

" Eenjun someone looks for you " one of their coworker said Lucas was standing behind him .

" hi baby " he said with a smile " how are you doing ? ".

" hyung what are you doing here ? " Renjun asked back " did Sicheng hyung send you ? " he asked .

" what ? no i wanted to check on you " Lucas said but Renjun looked unconvinced " i swear " he added and Renjun get up pulling his hand and walking away .

" hyung who's that ? " Jeno asked .

" his boyfriend " Doyoung said watching them talking from far .

" wow they're cute together , look his size is twice as Renjun " Jeno said enjoying like he was watching movie .

" i'm going back to work " he said and get up .

" but the break is not over " Jeno said and Doyoung just shrugged walking away.

Doyoung sat on his bed feeling the empty place next him , he closed his eyes trying not to think how Renjun used to sleep there , he should've left this apartment long time ago , he couldn't have peace the day he make Renjun leave , he tried his best to move on , to find new love meeting new people , but it didn't work no matter who he meet , or how beautiful they were , Jungwoo for example they tried dating for a while , but the later knew his heart was somewhere else , but he was nice and stayed friend with him , he told him about renjun , and Jungwoo told him to try to find him and try to fix things between them .

Doyoung tried but it was like Renjun wasn't in Korea anymore , no one know anything about him , he tried to look for Sicheng and Jaehyun but it was hard to find them , , until he lost hope completely and give up , and accepted that Renjun wasn't part of his life anymore , he wake up from his thought hearing someone knocking on his door ,it was wired considering he rarely has guests .

he get up checking himself in the mirror before opening the door , his hair was Missy and his shirt was half buttoned up , but he didn't care and went to open the door , and he was surprised to see Renjun standing on his door " Renjun ? " he asked surprised .

" Doyoung hyung ? i didn't knew you live here " he said rubbing the back of his neck , Doyoung was about to roll his eyes how Renjun didn't knew where he live ? but he remembered what Jeno said about not remembering him , he didn't understand everything yet but he don't want to bother the younger anymore , after he fainted the other day , he start feeling guilty that it was his fault , since he challenged him and make him work extra hours , when ten told him that he has a special condition that don't let him work full shift " i'm sorry i'll leave " Renjun said and was about to walk away .

" wait " he said quickly and Renjun stopped " did you needed anything ? " he asked if the younger knocked his door not knowing who lived her he must need something .

" oh , i just can't torn on the heater on mY apartment " Renjun said shyly " if you could tell me how it work , i need to take a shower and i thought all the apartments must be the same " .

" where is your apartment ? " he asked and Renjun pointed to the door behind him " oh i'll come and show you " he said and followed Renjun , the apartment was similar to his but more in Renjun style , he didn't have the time to look around , but he saw moomin doll on the couch , he still loved them then , he showed him how the heater work , it wasn't even winter yet , but Renjun always loved to take hot showers no matter what was the temperature outside " do you need anything else ? " he asked .

Renjun shake his head " thank you , i moved here last week and didn't knew what to do " he said embarrassed .

" it's fine , you can come to me if you need anything " Doyoung said and Renjun was surprised " i'll leave now good night " .

Renjun was walking out to go to the work , Lucas would come and drive him , he has been driving him since he moved here , when Doyoung car stopped in front of him " hey , are you going to work ? " he asked him and Renjun nodded " do you need ride ? " .

" thanks , but my boyfriend is on his way " Renjun said trying to hide his surprise , cause even if Lucas wasn't taking him , he doubt he would want to ride a car with Doyoung , he can't trust him yet just cause he become suddenly nice , he can change any time.

but Doyoung didn't he was really nice to him lately , he help him with work and offer him drive when they are done . even if Renjun rejected several times ,even when Lucas wasn't coming to pick him he was still careful around him , today he saw Renjun waiting outside and stopped his car in front of him " " hey is your boyfriend coming ? " he asked Renjun was walking further than the place he would usually wait his boyfriend .

" no i'm going alone " he said looking around it was dark already and it would be hard to find taxi , which mean he need to walk to the bus station.

" why don't you get in ? we're going to the same place anyway " he offered thinking that Renjun would reject like always , but he was surprised when Renjun stopped and opens the passenger seat , and sat next him without speaking and Doyoung just smiled .

Doyoung was trying to be nice to Renjun , and the younger sensed something wired but he was accepting his effort , he even apologized about what he said about Renjun drawing before, and admitted that he didn't draw anything since they were good, he come with him to work and joke with him even when Jeno not around , he didn't want to admit before but the latter give him wired feelings , like he was sad that Doyoung was cold toward him , he felt like there's something special between them that he can't put a word on it .

Doyoung invited him to get something on jungwoo coffee , and he was surprised that Jeno wasn't coming too . they left earlier today and Doyoyng said that they have been working hard and it's time to spoil themselves ,they entered the coffee and founded jungwoo and Lucas there , Lucas was surprised to see them while Jungwoo just smiled at them , Doyoung looked between Renjun and Lucas and gave Jungwoo a question look . but the latter avoided his gaze.

Renjun didn't knew how to feel , Lucas take him to explain that he finished early today , and just come here , he nodded not feeling anything , should he be jealous cause Lucas looked happier with Jungwoo than he is with him ? or be scared that he didn't mind and was slightly relieved " hyung let's go inside , it's rude to let them wait " he said thinking that he came with Doyoung , and wanted to spend time with him , he don't really care if Lucas talked to Jungwoo for hours , they walked inside and Doyoung was following Jungwoo while the latter while he was cleaning , the coffee wasn't crowded and Renjun sat next Doyoung smiling while telling Jungwoo he would like to order carrot cake.

Jungwoo take their orders and went to get them ready , Renjun saw Lucas eyes following him and he turned his attention to Doyoung and asked " so hyung are you going to tell me or what ? " he asked and Doyoung raised his eyebrow confused what Renjun was talking about " why suddenly you changed ? " and Doyoung get what he meant now , he was actually surprised Renjun didn't ask him before ,but what he can say with Lucas setting with them ? .

" nothing happened i just wanted to and did " he said and Renjun pouted .

" i won't buy that " he said leaning closer " come on i might lost my memory but i'm not idiot " it was the first time that Doyoung hear Renjun saying that he don't remember ,Ten , Jeno , Jaehyun hinted that there was something wrong , but he didn't dare to ask and Renjun didn't look like he wanted to share while Doyoung was acting cold to him.

" baby this not something to joke about like this " Lucas said taking Renjun hand kissing his palm , and Renjun looked at him knowing how Lucas was so protective over him , maybe cause he meet him in the hospital , and saw how he suffered , but he hated when Renjun talked about those days , maybe not as much as Sicheng and Jaehyun , but Renjun knew he cared enough, so he kissed his cheek and hugged him , and Doyoung didn't have the heart to interrupt.

Doyoung couldn't stop thinking about what happened to Renjun , he wanted to know the truth and was waiting for the right time to ask , they were on their way home after a long day at work , and he find himself staring at the younger trying to figure what changed for rel ,from the outside nothing he still the same , his character still the same , and if it wasn't his surprised look at the things that supposed to be familiar with, he might think everything just silly joke .

" is there something on my face ? " Renjun asking he didn't notice he was staring for too long , and he didn't how to answer or to act , he looked at the way and start driving " hyung " Renjun said whining in a cute tone and Doyoung almost crushed the car.

" fuck" he cursed checking the latter who was holding on his safe belt tightly" i'm sorry i just zone out for a moment " .

" can you stop at the side ? " Renjun asked in a weak voice , and Doyoung noticed he was shivering , he immediately drove to a close coffee to let him calm , they sat down and Doyoung stared at him again checking if he was alright " hyung stop looking at me like that " .

" are you alright ? " Doyoung asked and Renjun nodded " do you want to go t he hospital ? or to call someone ? " he asked .

" hyung you want to ask me something else " renjun said avoiding Doyoung questions " i can't read your mind but you doing a shitty job trying to hide it and i hate that " .

Doyoung looked down and sighed , Renjun was always able to read him , sometimes even than himself " sorry , i didn't mean to make you uncomfortable " he said biting his lip nervously " i was thinking about what you said the other day on the coffee about losing your memory , and i didn't get what you meant " he said it finally and Renjun looked at him not saying anything .

" if you're willing to know invite me to dinner and i can tell you " Renjun said walking to the car .

Doyoung put everything he needed to cook Renjun favorite dish on the counter and take a deep breath , it had been a while since the last time he make it , he couldn't eat it since Renjun wasn't in his life anymore, cause it reminded him of the younger how he would be happy when Doyoung cook it for him , since he can't order it and he doesn't like to go out a lot ,they always end kissing and cuddling after , and he was lucky they might make love too , those were his favorite moments ,when he make Renjun happy .

but he wasn't nervous cause it has been a while since he cooked hot pot , he was nervous cause he asked Renjun on a dinner , and it would be the first time Renjun come here since three years , and Renjun said he would tell him over dinner what happened , which can't stop thinking about most of the time .

Renjun came on time , he always did he brought cake with him " it's my first time here and i'm not a rude person " Doyoung let him in and went to the kitchen saying he needs finish a few things , he was done cooking actually , but this exactly happened in Renjun first real time here he cooked the same dish and Renjun did the same thing , but last time he got him a rosemary plant , he still had it on the big window in the living room , behind where Renjun was setting , he freaked out when he looked and found him looking at it , he walked toward him nervous .

" do you anything the food is ready , i just need to pour it " he said making Renjun stop looking at the blue flower , and look at him with a smile shaking his head .

" can we eat here i love the rosemary smell " he said looking again at the flower Doyoung nodded and Renjun thanked him .

they start eating and doyoung excepted him to talk after they're done , but Renjun looked at the flower again then at him and spoke " do you know what the rosemary symbolism ? " Doyoung shake his head and sallow hard , he know very well renjun himself told him when he get it to him " it mean for remembrance and love that we want to last " Renjun told him he wanted their love to last forever.

' it's nice " Doyoung said drinking some water .

" but i don't remember ... " Renjun said playing with his food |" i ... three years go i was in a big car accident , i woke up in the hospital and they told me i was in a coma for month and half ... " he paused taking a deep breath " ... but this was ok they said some physical therapy and time and everything would be fine " Renjun stopped talking and Doyoung didn't want to her more too " but it wasn't fine , i wake up not remembering anything or anyone, i looked at the mirror and couldn't recognize my face , i was so scared and if it wasn't for Sicheng and Jaehyun hyung help i don't think i would be able to live " .

Doyoung didn't say anything , he didn't knew what he could say ,for now he tried to convince himself that Renjun just hate him so much , and this is why he acted like they didn't knew each other , three years is he same time since their break up , he should have been next him and comforted him , he must have been scared they could make new memories in this time , but he was selfish thinking that Renjun forgot him , he did but it wasn't his choose .

" i'm sorry " he said in a shaking voice " hyung is sorry " is all what he could come with .

" why are you apologizing it's not your fault ? " Renjun asked confused Doyoung shake his head and apologized again " hyung ?" Renjun didn't knew what to do or how to react , and suddenly Doyoung was hugging him .

" it must have been hard on you " he said while hugging hIm tightly tears coming down from his eyes , Renjun didn't knew what to do he didn't like skin ship in general , and he don't think he and Doyoung close enough to cry in each others arms , but he find himself hugging the latter rubbing his back to comfort him " hyung is so sorry for bring difficult " .

" it's ok hyung , i'm better now " Doyoung heart broke knowing he's not fine yet , he try to calm himself and let go of Renjun .

" i'm sorry " he said giving Renjun some space " i didn't mean to make you uncomfortable " .

" i'm not uncomfortable , i just don't want you to pity me just cause of what i have been through " Renjun said looking at Doyoung eyes .

" i would never feel that about you " Doyoung said and he meant it .

Doyoung couldn't be the same after he knew what happened , he couldn't focus on anything his mind always thinking about what Renjun might have gone through , he was trying to act normally in front of him but once he was alone , he would crumble and cry himself , he needed to talk to someone to help him to get what he knew for real , he still wake up that it's just a nightmare and there was no one who knew better than Sicheng and Jaehyun and that how he found himself knocking their door , late at night after he saw Lucas coming to Renjun apartment knowing that Renjun won't come here .

Sicheng opened the door and was ready to fight him in the moment if Jaehyun didn't come and stop him " what do you think you're doing here ? " he asked annoyed .

" baby calm down please " Jaehyun tried to hold his boyfriend who didn't stopped kicking " hyung what do you want now ? " he asked frowning .

" i want to ask about Renjun --" 

" don't you dare to say his name " Sicheng growled " Jung Jaehhyun let go of me now " he yelled at his boyfriend who did to not make a big scene .

" please , please tell me what happened ! " he pleaded in verge of tears " i thought ... he was doing fine without me when i tried to look for him and didn't find him , but .. but " he was crying now " i didn't know he get in a car accident ... " .

" don't try to act like victim " Jaehyun said " look hyung if you're back in Renjun life after everything ,and knew everything you should know that if you want to know more ,and stay part of his life it's not easy , he's not the same Renjun you used to know , and honestly i don't think you're good to handle this " .

" how you decided that ? i didn't knew anything ? i could've been with him all this time " he said irritated he was mad at both of them for not telling him such thing. 

" you got no right to blame us hyung " Jaehyun said covering his face " both Sicheng and i tried to talk to you but you refused " Doyoung looked at them confused .

" the accident happened the day you broke up with him and he gathered his things and left your apartment , he called me while driving his car .." Sicheng said they were setting in their lsiving room , since they can't talk about this outside next the entrance " he told me it ended for rel between you then he start crying , i tried to calm him down a few minutes passed and he didn't say anything , i told him to stop driving and i was about to go to pick him , but suddenly their was crushing sound ... and he yelled ... i called him b..but ... " SIcheng couldn't finish his sentence , he start sobbing in Jaehyun arm .

" baby it's over now , Renjun is fine and safe " Jaehyun said kissing his boyfriend forehead , who nodded and wiped his tears

.

" I couldn't reach to him for a while , and no matter how much i was mad i tried to call you , but you rejected all my calls , even after i knew which hospital he was on and went on two serious surgeries and the doctor said he was in a coma after two weeks , i still tried for the last time but you told me to not call you again , and i didn't " Sicheng said each word making Doyoung heart bleed more , yeah he remember all that clearly , Sicheng was trying to talk to him but he was scared back then , scared from everything , himself , Renjun , the world .

he was the one who ended everything , cause they have been fighting a lot , Renjun just graduated and their was a bright future a head of him , while he left his job cause he was stubborn , he was insecure about his and their future , Renjun was young , smart , beautiful and rich , he could be with anyone he want , and he thought it would hurt less if he ended things before the younger do , but he figured out that he was wrong a few months after he was alone ,and tried to find him but it was like he vanished completely .

" i came to you too when he woke up not remembering anything " Jaehyun said and Doyoung remembered it as the first time they saw each other " he was so scared after he didn't remember anything , me and Sicheng were with him , but i thought it would be better to have you too , you might help him to remember since he was with you most of the time , i even fought with Sicheng for this " Sicheng hold his hand and he continued " but do you remembered what you said back then ? you must do you have a great memory right " .

" stop " Doyoung pleaded crying while looking down , he can't trust himself to hear what happened again .

" you said you don't want to hear anything about him , i tried to tell you he needed you and you insisted that it's better for both of you to be apart , and we respected your wish hyung " Jaehyun finished talking and get up he come back with tissues and water for Doyoung and Sicheng " so do you still want to be part if this ?" he said smiling with his dimple , but it wasn't a happy smile , more like challenging and Doyoung nodded .

" so why he still don't remember ? i saw him take a lot of medicines and , he said that he went through thereby ? " he asked worried " he's alright right ? there's no danger on his life right ? " he asked panicked .

" the damage on his brain was unclear until he wake up , we knew something wouldn't be right after the surgery " Jaehyun explained since he was a doctor " but he was in a coma for awhile , and once he wake up he didn't remember and the damage in his brain was still there , so he take a medicine and try a thereby , but we don't know when he remember or ... " he paused not wanting to say it .

" if he would remember at all " Sicheng said it and Jaehyun nodded " three years passed and he didn't remember a thing , until he saw you " he said unwillingly.

" what ? he remembered ? " Doyoung asked confused .

" why do you think we let him stay in an apartment next yours ? you didn't think we would've agreed to let you in his life like this " Jaehyun said " it was the first time he said that he remembered , when he fainted in the meeting" he explained .

" why do you think i didn't say anything about you too working together ? " Sicheng asked him and he was really surprised , knowing how much Jaehyun loved Sicheng , he must have told him that Doyoung was in the hospital " i was the one who talked with Ten hyung in the first place , and asked him to give him a half shift , but he said that you bothered him about it " .

" i didn't knew anything i .. i just thought he was acting like he didn't knew me ,because he don't want to talk about the past " he shake his head " but what did he remember? he didn't say anything ? " .

" he think of it as imagination or a dream since it wasn't clear but i'm sure you might know " Sicheng said " he said that he was on a coffee shop with someone and has a flower crown on his head , he didn't saw is head and he think there was other two people too " .

" that was our first date , Mark and Donghyuk you remember them right ? they're the one's who arranged it " Doyoung said not able to control his tears again .

" see i told you baby " Jaehyun said happily and hugged Sicheng who was crying .

" i can't believe it " he said and pulled back from Jaehyun embrace " but you can't ruin his life again , he dating someone else now ,and if you want to help him you need to keep this in your mind " Sicheng warned him " if he get hurt again cause of you , i won't care about his memory and i'll make sure that you can't find him again " he threaten .

" ok , i promise not to do anything " he said wiping his face .

" that's good " Sicheng said and left to their room

.

"| i'll leave now " Doyoung get up and Jaehyun stopped him , he looked at the younger surprised .

" wash your face first" he told him and walked in front of him to the sink , Doyoung washed his face and thanked him .

" is he happy with Lucas ? " he asked while Jaehyun was holding the door for him .

" don't be greedy hyung " Jaehyun said " you said you better without each other , Lucas care so much about him " he told him that and watched him leaving , once he closed the door Sicheng come to hug him .

" we did the right thing right ? "he asked resting his head on Jaehyun chest kissing his heart through the thin clothes , causing the latter to pull him closer , Jaehyun packed him to their bedroom ,as soon as they got inside , Jaehyun slammed Sicheng against the door, capturing his lips in a desperate kiss, The other moaned, kissing him back hungrily, his hands tangled in his hair, pulling at it with energy, just like he knew Jaehyun liked it.

" You look so good, Sicheng," he said as he started undressing the other, taking his shirt quickly throwing it carelessly .too aroused to care about taking it off properly " You taste so good," Sicheng let Jaehyun pick him up, linking his legs behind his back as he deepened the kiss, letting Jaehyun taste every inch of his mouth, "Just like how you look" .

Jaehyun licked his lips, enjoying the moment , it was the first time they would do something like this after Renjun moved out , they both were busy and sicheng always worried over the younger , they didn't find the right time . 

"Do you want some more? " asked Sicheng, laying on their king size bed, he giggled as he saw Jaehyun biting into his lips , then leaning down slowly until the lips were almost touching. 

Sicheng stared into his eyes, with the same intensity and hunger of each time they're in such situation, but also with affection, tenderness and love, a complete contrast with the situation they were in. He smiled, standing on his elbows , locking his lips with Jaehyun's. He pulled him down, a hand behind his neck to deepen the kiss while the other roamed under his t-shirt. 

He graced his hands on Jaehyun's toned stomach, the trail of hair going down to his pelvis made him feel more aroused than it should have. He then went up to his chest, his cold fingers brushing lightly against his nipple, making the other hiss. 

Sicheng loved how sensitive he was, how a smile touch could make him shiver ,it made him feel powerful, and he really liked the feeling of dominance.

He smirked, switching their position with one swift motion to sit on Jaehyun's lap, who was breathing heavily as Sicheng kept playing with his nipples , it hurt at first when he do it for a long time, but after some years he got used to the burn, which now only amplified the pleasure. 

Sicheng brought Jaehyun's arms over his head, linking their hands softly , the thin silver rings on their left pinkies shone under the moonlight coming from outside, a sign of a promise they promised to fulfill once the right time come ,he took his time to worship every inch of his fiance body, alternating soft kisses with hickeys, his moans getting louder and louder as his hands kept travelling up and down, feather like touches making him shiver. 

Jaehyun grabbed the other's thighs, making him sit properly on his crotch, feeling too aroused to be able to last much longer , Sicheng smirked and sinked on him slowly, making Jaehyun throw his head back, his neck on full display. He started moving, and bent down to kiss the crook of his neck ,he breathed in his scent and licked the sensitive area behind his ear, his taste mixed with a thin layer of sweat.

"Can I bite you?" he asked breathlessly, speeding up his peace as he felt close to release. 

"Yes, please," he moaned out, his hands on Sicheng's waist to keep him steady , jaehyun always let him do whatever h wanted, like he was born to bless the latter, Sicheng wasted no time, sinking his teeth in Jaehyun's neck, his fangs piercing his soft skin, sending a wave of arousal down their bodies, Jaehyun arched his back, guiding Sicheng’s movements as he begged him to go faster between his loud moans.

They both didn't last long after that, the overwhelming feeling of that intimate gesture made them oversensitive, taking less time to reach their climax.

" thank you " Sicheng after catching his breath a little , looking at the latter eyes to show that he was honest .

" no , thank you " Jaehyun said kissing his chin , Sicheng hide his face under Jaehyhun neck holding him tight " i love you so much " .

" i love you too " Sicheng mumbled not raising his head to look at the latter , and Jaehyun could feel his tears so he held his chin wiping them " you go through so much for me and --- " .

" don't you dare to say Renjun " Jaehyun cut him saying " you know i love him more than you do " he said and Sicheng laughed at him hitting his chest gently .

Renjun noticed that Doyoung changed a lot after he told him about the accident , he was like his nurse glued to him as much as he possible , it didn't bother him if Jeno didn't teased him that Doyoung choose him over him , even if Jeno was joking yet he still has a boyfriend and he need to be loyal to , this why he for the first time in a while he asked Lucas to go on a date after the work , which the latter agreed to .

" Renjun aren't you coming ? " Doyoung asked him when he was heading to his car and Renjun didn't follow .

" no hyung i forgot to tell you " he didn't forgot but didn't find the good time to " Lucas hyung taking me in a date tonight " .

" oh, enjoy your night then " Doyoung said disappointed " see you later " he said and left to his car .

Doyoung knew he shouldn't think about what Renjun and Lucas might be doing , but he can't stay away from the window watching if they're back or not , they don't have work tomorrow , so Renjun can stay the night out if he wanted , but Doyoung would lose his mind if this happened , he was fine thinking that Renjun doing great without him , but after meeting him again and knowing what happened when they were apart , he wish he could have a fresh start with him .

he sighed in relief when he saw Lucas car , both of them get out of it and stopped in front of the building , he was happy thinking that Lucas would leave , but suddenly Renjun pulled him down kissing him , Doyoung knew he shouldn't torture himself and he should just look away , but he watched how Renjun pulled back and went inside , Lucas stopped there for a while then left too .

he lied on his bed not able to sleep , the picture of Renjun kissing someone else come in front of his eyes , the second he close his eyes , he stared at the sky from the window hoping he would fall sleep soon , just as he start feeling his eyes getting heavier , he was startled with someone knocking on his apartment door violently , he get up annoyed and opened the door and found Renjun looking at him with big shining eyes and red face .

" Renjun " "hyung " they spoke together , then Renjun stepped closed and he stepped back until Renjun was inside.

" hyung " Renjun said again in low voice" can you kiss me ? " Doyoung could have except anything just this.

" what ?! " he said holding Renjun arms that were trying to hug him , and then he realized something , Renjun smell like alcohol , he must be drunk then " Renjun can you stay here ? i'll go get you some water " he said and Renjun just stare at him blankly , and Doyoung went to get a water bottle , he come back and Renjun was on his place , he opened the bottle and give it to him ,but Renjun didn't take it , so he raised to his mouth to his mouth .

" hyung , can you kiss me ? "he asked again and Doyoung thought he might lose his mind .

" Renjun ,you're drunk let's talk tomo---" he was cut with Renjun pressing his lips against his , Doyoung froze not knowing what to do , this shouldn't consider a kiss cause it was nothing to how they would eat each other faces , and Doyoung was doing nothing cause he was scared he won't be able to control himself if he did .

Renjun pulled back fast and blinked at him shaking his head " this not right " he talk to himself and Doyoung didn't knew what he meant , he step back and Doyoung didn't knew what he should do , Renjun looked at him one last time and left , like he didn't flip dDyoung life upside down .

Renjun wake up with a terrible headache which become worse when he remembered what he did last night , he went on a date with Lucas ,and they were having fun he even kissed him when they get home , but he freaked out when he imagined kissing Doyoung instead of his boyfriend , he even remember going to Doyoung apartment asking for a kiss , but the problem is that he doesn't feel guilty knowing that he kissed someone other than his boyfriend , he even enjoyed it more .

he ruffled his hair frustrated" Huang Renjun " he touched his lips and felt like he kissed Doyoung for real , he know that he didn't but he feel Doyoung lips against his , he decided to go to talk to Sicheng and Jaehyun , knowing that he would get scolded for kissing someone other than his boyfriend , so he decided to not tell them who , beside he didn't tell them that he and Doyoung are close now .

so he decided to invite them here to not risk seeing Doyoung and embarrass himself , he told them what happened and they looked at each other " Renjun do you like Lucas ? or not ? " Jaehyun asked him .

" Lucas is nice and take a good care of me " he said avoiding looking at them .

" yeah we know that very well , but we don't date people cause they're nice" Jaehyun explained " that make us not nice and liars " he added and Renjun looked down .

" it was fine until i meet that person that appear in my memories " he said feeling guilty .

" look you know about your memories better than us , and if seeing this guy help you to remember then there's no harm on keep seeing him " Jaehyun said meeting his gaze " but if you have feelings for him you need to talk to Lucas , cause this is unfair for him he has been nothing but nice to you " Renjun nodded .

" but i like Lucas more " Sicheng whined .

" then you date him " Renjun said teasingly " you can give me Jaehyun hyung " he said and Jaehyun hugged him , Sicheng glared at him throwing a pillow at them but Jaehyun catch it " you didn't even meet him , how you decide that you like him less ? "he asked annoyed with his brother statement.

" i have a good eye for people look who i'm dating " he said with a smirk and Jaehyun smiled at him .

" you two are gross " he said covering his face with the pillow " if you're going to act like this then just leave " Renjun said throwing the pillow at them .

Doyoung was nervous about meeting Renjun at work , the later send him massage telling him that he would be late and he won't go with him , he was thankful even though he didn't want to make things awkward between them , renjun came hour after him and he was smiling , he walked in the room and greeted Doyoung who looked at him carefully , Renjun start working normally , and Doyoung wanted to believe that he don't remember .

it was when they were get home when Renjun brought it up " hyung are you mad at me ? " he asked when Doyoung stopped the car .

" what ? why i would be ? " Doyoung asked not understanding what he meant .

" last night ... i can explain but now " Doyoung was surprise so renjun remember " i'm sorry if i bothered you , i don't want things between us be wired " he said nervously " it's ok if you don't want drive me anymore , but can you please give me a few days to figure a few things out ? " .

" ok you can have ll the time you need , just don't push me away " Doyoung said " i want to keep driving you around and do things with you , if you were ok with that " he said and Renjun smiled at him .

it was harder for Doyoung now to not stare at Renjun . sometimes they would be talking and he would daze looking at his beautiful face , Renjun would be talking with him about something serious , or he would be just focused with something ,and Doyoung would struggle to not go and hug him " hyung you're not listening to me " Renjun groaned , they were discussing something they have problem with before , and Renjun was explain what they can do , and Doyoung get lost looking at him .

" you're right we can do what you said that's a good idea " Doyoung said trying to look innocent.

" really ? i'm glad that you think like this too " Renjun said and doyoung smiled " can you tell me then what i said ? " he said and Doyoung avoided his eyes " hyung i knew you weren't listening , can you please focus ? " Renjun said pouting and Doyoung found himself hugging his waist .

" i'm sorry i didn't mean to loss focus " he said and kissed Renjun check but the younger didn't budged .

" i hate when people don't listen to me " Renjun said and Doyoung know this very well , in the past if they were meeting their friends or anyone , and Renjun was talking and Doyoung didn't pay attention , Renjun would make sure he regret it latter , so Doyoung hugged him tighter " why you're even hugging me ? " he asked trying to push him away .

" i'll listen from now on : Doyoung said holding him close " you're just so beautiful and i couldn't resist " he said in a low voice closing his eyes , it was the first time he get close to anyone like this after a while , after his failed attempt relationship with Jungwoo , he didn't even bothered and tried with anyone else ,and that was more than year ago , and even if he did no one would feel like Renjun .

" hyung " Renjun said and sighed , he didn't push him away and Doyoung hummed and kissed under his ear, and Renjun gasped surprised he know how Renjun loved it when he kiss him there ,and tell him he love him , but he hold himself not to do , and gently turned Renjun to face him hands still on his waist .

they looked at each other eyes and get closer util there was no more space between them , Renjun wanted to say something but Doyoung swallowed it in a kiss , the moment Doyoung lips touched his , all the thought " that's this is not right , they're still at work ",disintegrated from Renjun mind , and all what he could focus on was kissing the elder , tasting his tongue , smelling his scent on his nose , and how he doesn't remember kissing anyone like this , now even Lucas , shit Lucas , he didn't get to talk to him yet.

Renjun pulled back biting his lip looking down guilty " Renjun " Doyoung said his name and Renjun closed his eyes , he noticed that he was holding Doyoung shirt tightly , he waited until his heart to calm down , a little then looked at Doyoung who was looking at him worried .

" hyung i can't do that " he said and Doyoung face fall " look i told you to give me sometime ... " .

" it's ok i'm sorry i shouldn't have done this " Doyoung said letting go of him ,and Renjun already missed the warmth .

" it's not like that " he said struggling with his words " look i don't know how to say this , but i wanted this as much as you did , but it's not easy to get all what we want " .

Doyoung looked at him confused " what do you mean ? " he was scared that Renjun remembered their past and don't want him anymore .

" i'm not sure about you , but i still dating Lucas hyung " Renjun said and Doyoung frowned " i asked you to give me some time to talk to him , i'm meeting him tonight actually , but i still can't do this with you or anyone else , it's still not right or fair for everyone " Doyoung hate to admit but Renjun was right , he was lucky that Renjun still wanted something with him after all " please say something " .

" you're right " he said and closed his eyes " promise me to talk about it later ? " he asked and Renjun nodded " ok let's get back to work.

Renjun felt bad that they barely talked for the rest of the day , and Doyoung stayed after he went to meet Lucas when they were supposed to leave , but he decided to give him some time , Lucas take him to Jungwoo coffee shop since he told him that he's not hungry to have dinner .

" hyung i don't know how to start actually , i know that you deserve better than this ,and that i might lose you after this but i need to be honest with you " Renjun said as soon they sat down " it's the least i can do after all what you have done to me " he added .

" baby what's going on ? you're scaring me " Lucas asked worried .

" hi Renjun " Jungwoo said cheerfully and Renjun just smiled at him " what do you like me to bring to you ? " he asked looking at Lucas in a wired way but the latter was focused on him .

" i'll have orange juice " he looked at Lucas who didn't said anything " hyung ?" he asked .

" i'll take the same thanks " Lucas said and Jungwoo nodded with a smile that looked less cheerful .

" hyung i wish we could be friend after what i'll say , but i can understand id you don't want " Renjun start and take Lucas hand " you know about me everything i know , and you were with me in my hardest time , and i'll always be thankful for you for this --- " .

" Renjun you want to break up with me " Lucas cut him in the middle of the sentence and Renjun said nothing , Lucas held his hand and Jungwoo brought their drinks then " i knew this would happen from the beginning " he said with a sad smile on his handsome face .

" i'm sorry " it all what Renjun could say while looking down .

" don't be it's ok i don't want you to force yourself to love me , love is not like that " Lucas said and Renjun felt bad so he take his hands and hold his glass " hey don't feel bad i didn't meant to make you feel guilty " Lucas said holding his chin meeting his eyes " i appreciate that you're honest with me and i would love to be your friend , but i might need some time though " he said and Renjun get up from his chair hugging him .

" hyung " he said hugging the latter tightly Lucas hugged him too .

Renjun asked Lucas to drop him to take a small walk , he was still feeling bad and wanted more time to clear his head , even if he didn't love Lucas but he hope they could still be friends , he went to his apartment and texted Doyoung .

**renjun " hyung are you awake ?**

**doyoung hyung : yeah**

**are you alright ?**

**should i bring you something ?**

Renjun smiled Doyoung replied faster than he thought he would , he thought a little before replying .

**renjun : can you come ? .**

it was already late and Doyoung must be upset with what happened before , but he still knocked the door and Renjun let him inside " are you alright ? you're not hurt anywhere ? "Doyoung asked checking him .

" calm down hyung i'm fine " he said inviting the older to set down " i just ended things with Lucas hyung and feel bad , he's so nice and don't deserve me to broke his heart " Renjun said and sat next Doyoung .

" it's still better than lying to him of you don't like him " Doyoung said and Renjun nodded .

" i hope we could stay friends , he helped me a lot when i was in the hospital , he was in an accident too , but he just broke his leg , he kept following when i refused to talk to anybody until i talked to him ,and no matter how bad i treated him he kept smiling at me " Renjun spoke sadly " he still visited me after he discharged" .

" he really a nice guy " Doyoung couldn't help to admit " try not to think about it more " Doyoung said and Renjun put his head against Doyoung shoulder ,and Doyoung pulled him closer , and start playing with his hair .

after that night Renjun and Doyoung weren't the same anymore , Renjun was shy in the morning and apologized to Doyoung and offered to make him a breakfast , Doyoung assured him that it was alright but was happy to have breakfast with the younger , they get ready and went to work together .

they spend most of their time together , but they didn't talk about what going between them yet , Doyoung would steal a kiss when Renjun wasn't paying attention , or Renjun would lean on Doyoung when he tired and Doyoung would hold him close , remembering their first days together , Renjun was still a student and Doyoung was TA , the professor he worked with already talked about Renjun before Doyoung get to meet him , how he was so smart and talented , and how he reminded him of Doyoung .

and even if Doyoung didn't want to admit , but he was curios to meet him , their first meeting was after Doyoung graded the class first assignment , Renjun came to his room angry , cause Doyoung misspelled his name , he was angry but still kept his voice low , Doyoung apologized and tried to make him calm down . but Renjun refused until he make sure that Doyoung know how to wright his name .

and Doyoung tried but he didn't get it from the first time ,and he swear he still don't believe how someone small like Renjun could scare him like this ," it's not my fault your name is hard " he complained after he got it right .

" if you don't like my name go and talk to my parents about this " he said and left without letting Doyoung say anything , the professor came later, laughing after he heard what happened and Doyoung felt embarrassed a little , then he told him that he was surprised with Renjun assignment , and Doyoung admit that even after their fight he didn't regret giving Renjun the highest mark .

" stop thinking we're not at work anymore " Renjun said they were at his apartment eating dinner, Doyoung just smiled and kissed his cheek and Renjun glared at him " just eat " .

" what to do i'm full of looking at you " he said and Renjun face become red " ok i'm sorry " he added when Renjun hold his fork and pointed it him .

" hyung are you really ok with me not remembering anything from my past ? " Renjun asked while they were watching a movie , Doyoung was taken a back they never talked about Renjun condition or Doyoung opinion.

" what do you mean ? " he asked looking at Renjun .

" i mean what if you didn't like my past ? or there's someone i don't remember ? i don't know actually , but you don't need to go through this with me" Doyoung hated that Renjun still doesn't trust him enough , he know that the younger was scared but he want to let him stay with him .

" hey , i don't want you to have this thoughts " Doyoung said and hold Renjun face in his hands " look i know you must be confused when you meet new people , and you went through a lot that i and no one can understand . but i really want you to believe that i want to be with all the Huang's Renjun in the world " .

"you might regret that latter " Renjun said smiling Doyoung watches as the expression on Renjun face change , from of confusion to one of determination, Renjun cups his face lightly, his fingers feel so soft against Doyoung’s cheeks and his eyes fall shut when Renjun presses their lips together, he had a lot of first kisses in his life so far, but Doyoung’s first real kiss with Renjun after years is definitely the sweetest.

" hyung don't you want to meet doyoung hyung ? " Renjun asked while he was having dinner with Jaehyun and Sicjeng .

" does he want ? " Sicheng asked back and jaehyun shoot him a warning look .

" i didn't ask him but i doubt he would mind " Renjun admitted " but i want your opinion though , it's important for me to know what you two think about the person i like " he added .

" of course then arrange something and tell us and we would be there" Jaehyun said smiling .

Doyoung was happy with how things were between him and Renjun , even though Renjun didn't remember what was between them , he still the same Renjun from three years , and sometimes Doyoung wonder if he remember him or not ? .

he still love watching the sky at night ,and even if take him a while but he love when Doyoung hugged him , he used to say he feel safe in Doyoung arms , he even give Doyoung the left side of bed , like they used to three years ago , and he still light sleeper any small move from Doyoung could wake him up , and no matter how much he complain about it he still wait for good morning kiss from Doyoung once he wake up .

it make Doyoung feel happy like they weren't apart at all , so he couldn't help to freak out when Renjun told him he want to meet his brother and his fiance, are they getting married ? he didn't noticed rings in their fingers , maybe cause all what he care about is Renjun ,and he know that Sicheng won't let them be together easily .

but Renjun was so exited so he agreed to meet them on a dinner on their apartment with Renjun , he asked Renjun what he should get and the latter told him wine would do , yeah wine is good Jaehyun love wine so much , and Sicheng love everything Jaehyun love , so he went and bought the most expensive wine bottle , and texted Renjun telling him that he waiting in the car, Renjun laughed at his nervousness and told him to calm down , and that he sure they would get a long well . 

Doyoung just smiled not wanting to ruin the younger mood , and drove even before Renjun tell him the address , but the younger didn't commented , Sicheng opened the door and hugged Renjun tightly , he waited until Jaehyun came from the kitchen with his apron, to let him on and ask for his hug too .

they sat down on the table and Doyoung gave the wine bottle to Jaehyun who accepted it with a smile , that Doyoung missed so much , Jaehyun used to be his best friend , he know him the best ,and he was sad that he lost him three years ago , but his mind didn't work right back then , maybe they could fix this one day .

" so Jaehyunnie hyung , Sicheng hyung this Doyoung hyung " renjun said introducing them " Doyoung those are the other two " he said and the three looked at him wired , it was the same way he introduced them when they meet in the past , the only difference is that he was surprised that Jaehyun and Doyoung are best friends back then " what wrong ? :" he asked and Sicheng sighed shaking his head .

" nothing baby " but Renjun didn't believe him so he added " you just introduced us like this before " he said and Renjun became quiet .

" so what baby are you telling me that you don't like to pair with me ? " Jaehyun asked trying to change the subject .

the dinner went fine after , Sicheng didn't said much to him and he was thankful , his eyes were locked on renjun every move , like he scared if he looked away he might disappear , even Jaehyun he didn't remember him and Renjun being this back then , the only common thing between them is Sicheng , but now Jaehyun check on his before his fiance.

" why don't you stay here tonight ? " Jaehyun said while drinking some wine , he was the only one drinking , Renjun wasn't allowed to have heavy drinks for his medicine , Sicheng drank one glass, and Doyoung needed to drive .

" yeah , Renjun we miss having you here and you don't have tomorrow " Sicheng followed liking the idea .

" aren't you bored of me ? " Renjun teased " i left you to practice your life after marriage and you want me back ? " he asked and they nodded .

" you can stay with us after marriage right baby ? "Jaehyun asked and Doyoung thought this was so wired specially when Sicheng nodded enthusiastic .

" don't be silly hyung " Renjun said " i think we should leave now Doyoung hyung this two got drunk " he said and Doyoung was happy to get up .

" text us when you arrive" Sicheng said kissing Renjun forehead , Jaehyun did the same and they waited them until they drove away .

Doyoung was surprised that Renjun pulled him in a kiss as soon as they closed the door , but it didn't take long for him to respond to the kiss , he was tip toeing to reach Doyoung , and Doyoung put his hand around his tiny waist support him , then he pick him up carefully walking to set on the sofa with Renjun still in his lap , ho was creasing Renjun sides gently , and Renjun the most beautiful noise that Doyoung addict to since years ago , Renjun open his mouth and his hands grabbed Doyoung hair .

Renjun eyes were closed and all what he was seeing dark , the feeling he got when he kissed Lucas and imagined Doyoung was there again , but he see pictures that he can't figure who on , he tried to focus on feeling of the heat of kissing Doyoung , their wet tongues gliding over each inch of their mouths , Doyoung pulled back so they could get some air , he moved to Renjun face then lower to his neck .

Renjun hummed at the tingling feeling , and waited until Doyoung rest his forehead against his , they were close in a danger way , Renjun was feeling safe and wanted to stay like this for ever " thank you " he said once he felt he's ready to speak .

" about ? " Doyoung asked confused and leaned down to steal a quick kiss from the sweet lips " if it's about the ride then don't worry it was on my way " he said with a smile and Renjun smiled at him too .

" i mean there's this too , you know i can't drive so ... " Renjun said and bit his red lips while looking at Doyoung eyes " thanks for everything and specially thanks for tonight " Renjun said while looking at Doyoung eyes .

" i should be the one who thanking you " he said kissing Renjun birthmark making him blush .

" stay with me tonight ? " Renjun said while playing with Doyoung fingers , Doyoung hummed and carried him to the bedroom and hug him until the morning .

Doyoung suggested to go and have breakfast at Jungwoo coffee , which Renjun didn't know if it was a good idea , Lucas go there almost everyday , and he doesn't know if they should meet yet , and he was right when they got there and Lucas was there laughing with Jungwoo " i'm sorry we can go somewhere else " Doyoung said the pair didn't noticed them yet.

" no need " Renjun said and Doyoung called Jungwoo making them both look at them , Lucas almost jumped and came to Renjun side , he kept his smile while looking at Renjun and glared at Doyoung .

" we need to talk " he said and dragged Doyoung to the storage , leaving Renjun and Lucas alone there .

" hey what's going on ? "Doyoung asked and Jungwoo hit his chest " what's wrong with you ? " he asked again annoyed .

Jungwoo didn't answer and just kiss him , Doyoung pushed him and Jungwoo covered his face " you're not funny hyung you know that ? " he said and Doyoung didn't understand what's going on yet" you fall in love with the same person again ... or you didn't stopped loving him in the first place " Lucas must have told him.

" Jungwoo i'm sorry " Doyoung said and shake his head and looked at Doyoung .

" i don't need you apology hyung , i'm not in love with you and i think i never was " Jungwoo look through the door at where Renjun and Lucas were standing "if someone deserve an apology from you is Renjun , do you have any idea how he would react when he remember ? ".

" I do , I tell him everyday that i'm sorry , i know it's not enough but i would do it for the last day of my life , even if he remembered and didn't want to see me again " Doyoung said and sat next Jungwoo on the floor " i won't try to tell you how bad i was without him , you were with me and saw me ruining myself " .

" exactly hyung i know how much you loved him , and i almost believed he was a bad guy for not letting you hear of him for years but -- " Jungwoo looked down and sighed " do you know that he tried to kill himself ? " Doyoung froze he doesn't know , Jaehyun and Sicheng didn't say anything about that , they scolded and blamed him but did't mention it " Lucas saved and this is the reason he cared so much about him , he was scared that he would hurt himself again " .

" i didn't know ... " Doyoung said tears gathering in his eyes " i swear i didn't knew " .

"i know you didn't but that didn't change the fact the you refused to reach for him when he really needed you ,screw this he like you again , what do you think he would do when he found out that you're the one who ruined his life ? " Jungwoo held Doyoung hand and spoke " i won't tell you what to do but i hope you know what you're getting yourself into " he said and get up patting his shoulder and went outside .

" how have you been ? " Lucas asked and renjun shrugged.

" fine how about you ? " Renjun asked carefully .

" i'm good" Lucas said " look Renjun the last thing i want you to feel about me is guilt , let's think that we're not meant to each other and remain friends ? "he said offering his hand.

" are you sure ? " Renjun asked and lucas nodded smiling at him , so Renjun accepted his hand .

" i want to tell you thing then since you the only one who meet Jungwoo from my friends , what do you think of him ? "he asked shyly .

" Jungwoo hyung ? i don't know he is nice and handsome hyung " Renjun answered honestly and then he get it Lucas like Jungwoo .

" but did Doyoung told you that they used to date ? " what who used to what Renjun looked confused and wanted to ask Lucas .

" what can i get you Renjun ? "Jungwoo came from behind surprising them" Doyoung hyung went to the bathroom , he would be here in a minute " he asked before Renjun could register what Lucas just said .

the day pass with both Renjun and Doyoung being quiet, after the left the coffee shop they headed to work and didn't talk much , even at night Renjun told Doyoung to go to his apartment , Doyoung knew something was wrong but he wasn't ready to deal with it now , he was still under the shock of what he knew from Jungwoo .

he wanted to keep Renjun close and make sure he was safe , and on the other hand he felt like he should disappear from his life and never show up again , but it's not easy after he tried it once , he don't think he can handle it again , he saw Renjun playing with his food , he noticed that he wasn't eating well lately and he still needed to take his medicine " baby , something wrong ? " he asked and Renjun shake his head " do you want me something else ? ".

" i'm not hungry " Renjun said putting his chopsticks down , and Doyoung frown he didn't eat much on lunch , and Doyoung don't him to get sick .

" Renjun look at me " he said and Renjun did and he saw it immediately , something was bothering him and mostly it's Doyoung fault , but Renjun won't sPeak and he has to figure out by himself , he was like this before , actually both are like the same but Renjun can hold it better until he explode " did i do something ?" he asked catching Renjun attention.

" i think you know better " Renjun said and Doyoung sighed , he always honest with his answers and Doyoung doesn't know ho respond most of the time " don't you have something to tell me ? ".

something like what , Doyoung tried to remember what he done and might bother the younger ? Kim Jungwoo ! he start acting like this after they went to his coffee shop , he either did or said something wired in front of Renjun .

" did Jungwoo told you that we dated before ?" he asked .

" no his new boyfriend told me " Renjun said mockingly " cause unlike someone else Jungwoo hyung didn't hide anything from him " he added harshly .

" i didn't mean to hide it or not telling you," Doyoung groaned and ruffled his hair " i'm sorry i didn't mean to hurt you " he said and start telling him everything .

" if it was like this why you didn't tell me ?" Renjun said his gaze softer and he let Doyoung hold him .

" i swear it mean nothing to me , it was for a short time and i forgot about it " he said kissing Renjun head " Jungwoo and i just friends and he already with Lucas " .

" i don't know i just don't like when people do things behind my back and hide things from me " Renjun said and Doyoung hold him tighter " specially if it was you " he said in a low voice but Doyoung catch it .

" i won't do it again promise " Doyoung said and waited until renjun relaxed little to kiss him taking Renjun full bottom lip between him teeth teasingly ,then he start kissing him softly , their lips matched well from the moment they kissed again the first time after a long time , that Doyoung think they never were apart , Renjun sighed when Doyoung massaged his hips with his big hands , while keeping Renjun on his place.

" hyung " Renjun mumbled fisting a hand on Doyoung hair , then he devoured his lips letting their tongues meet, they kept kissing until they were out of breath , and pulled back and Doyoung start kissing every place he could reach from Renjun exposed skin , keeping his arm around Renjun waist holding him tightly , he pulled Renjun on top of him and just stare at each other eyes for a while .

" i love you so much " Doyoung said without thinking , it was the first time he say it when they get together again , he suddenly felt nervous that he might said it too early , but grinned at him and nodded .

" i love me too " he said and Doyoung pinched his side playfully . and he start laughing and Doyoung pouted at him " ok i love you too " he said kissing Doyoung chest through his opened shirt .

Doyoung wanted to keep this moment for ever he and Renjun in his arms , he put some of Renjun hair behind his ear , and smiled before start kissing him again , Renjun wrapped himself around him and he carefully get up while holding him , and without cutting the kiss he walked to the bedroom , he gently put him down and start taking his shirt and he moved to do the same for Renjun .

he did half of the buttons when renjun hold his hands , he looked at him confused "something wrong ? " he asked scared that he hurt him .

" you're trembling " Renjun said worried and Doyoung looked at his hands , they were really shaking and he pulled them back to his sides " what's wrong ? " he asked softly creasing Doyoung face tenderly .

" sorry " Doyoung said in a low voice and Renjun shake his head .

" don't be silly " Renjun said scolding him " we don't need to do anything make you uncomfortable " he said with warm smile and Doyoung kissed the palm on his face and nodded .

they didn't make love that night , but Doyoung gave Renjun a blow job and Renjun gave him a hand job , Doyoung lied behind Renjun holding him close , Renjun was sleeping peacefully , he tried not to move much to not wake up the light sleeper lover , but he can't help kissing Renjun shoulder or neck until he fall sleep .

things were great between them and renjun couldn't be happier , Doyoung was treating him so good like he afraid if he didn't Renjun might run away , and Renjun kept teasing him saying he shouldn't love him this much , and all what Doyoung would say that he would love him more and more , and Renjun would just laugh at him for being cheesy .

today they invited Jaehyun and Sicheng for dinner , and Doyoung was nervous he locked himself in the kitchen the second he wake up , Renjun told him no need to be , but it was useless , he didn't let him even help him in cooking ,and Renjun didn't mind that , he went out to buy something to drink and to give the latter some space to calm down a little .

he was on his way when he heard someone calling his name , he look around and found a handsome guy smiling at him , Renjun looked at him confused while the latter walked toward him " Renjun what are you doing here ? it has been really a long while " the man said exited and Renjun didn't how to respond.

" i'm sorry do i know you ? "he asked carefully .

the man gave him a surprised look " it has been a while since we last meet , but did you really forget me ? i'm hurt " the stranger said .

" i didn't forget just you , i forget everything " Renjun and the stranger looked at him confused " do you really know me ? " Renjun asked to make sure and the latter nodded .

" of course i know you " the stranger said " i know things between my idiot brother didn't end that well , and i scolded him for that , but you hurt me if you really act like you don't know me " the latter pouted and it reminded him of Doyoung .

" i lost my memory three years ago on a car accident " Renjun said and the stranger , Gongmyung he introduced himself and invited Renjun to the nearby coffee shop to talk .

" i was really surprised when i saw you here again " Gongmyung hyung said " my idiot brother said that he couldn't reach you and you really didn't show up again , and we both didn't except such thing " he admitted .

" it's time that i want to forget so i don't really talk about it that much " Renjun said " i still can't remember and it's hard for me to meet people when my past that i can't recognize " he explained .

maybe this was better Gongmyung thought " i'm sorry to hear that i hope you get well soon " he said smiling at Renjun "" i hope i didn't bothered you " he said getting up to leave .

" wait you didn't told me your brother name ? "he asked and Gongmyung looked at him before answering .

" Dongyoung , Kim Dongyoung " he said and Renjun tried to remember if the name was familiar but he didn't thought of anything .

" sorry i don't think i remember him " he said " maybe if we meet -- " 

" i don't think this possible he moved to japan last year " Gongmyung this is better for now " i told you he is an idiot " Renjun nodded understanding .

he walked him back to the apartment even when Renjun said that he was ok ,he saw Jaehyun walking toward the entrance " hyung " he called and the latter turned at him smiling " why are you alone ? "he asked .

" Sicheng rushed upstairs to see you before me but i bet him " Jaehyun said and Renjun smiled and " Gongmyung hyung ? " Jaehyun asked surprised .

" hi jaehyunnie , i just meet Renjun " he said and Jaehyun looked concerned so he added " i'm sad to hear what happened to him take care of him " he said and walked away , Renjun gave him a loo and Jaehyun avoided his gaze and leaded him inside .

they found Sicheng standing on the door ,while Doyoung looking at him " hyung ? "Renjun went to hug him and Jaehyun walked inside " 'hyung are you done coking ? " Renjun said putting the bottle he put on the counter .

" yeah " Doyoung said following them to the living room " you take long though " he said and Jaehyun looked at Renjun worried of what Gongmyung might have said .

" i thought you needed some time alone " Renjun said taking a seat next him " i needed some too " Doyoung smiled shyly pulling rRnjun closer .

Doyoung got two massages that night after dinner , one was from Jaehyun ' telling him that he saw Renjun and Gongmyng , and one from Gongmyung himself asking to meet him , he was scared but Renjun acted normally , so he hoped his brother didn't ruin everything .

Renjun didn't like the fact that he hide something from Doyoung , but he can't stop thinking about the Kim Dongyoung he used to date , why no one mentioned him before ? why even his brother said it's better that they are not together anymore .

he was pulled out of his thoughts when he felt strong arms hugging him from behind , he smiled and held Doyoung arms " why you're not sleeping ? " Doyoung asked kissing behind his ear , it wasn't the first time they get in such position but it felt wired , like they did this before , Renjun think about himself dazed off looking out of the window , and Doyoung sneaked behind him , but he wasn't facing the window this time s how ? it feel so real to be just imagination " baby are you alright ?" Doyoung asked in a worried tone .

" yeah just thinking about the sky it's so beautiful at night " he said and Doyoung turned him to check if he was alright " i'm fine don't worry , i just thought maybe we could go somewhere we could see the stars , after we're done with the project " .

' that would be nice " Doyoung said kissing Renjun forehead believing it's just the younger interest on space and stars , it has always occupied space of his mind , so he just set with him a little more until they decided to go to sleep .

Renjun start noticing things he didn't paid mind to before . like the things in Doyoung kitchen arranged in a way he could reach them ,it won't be anything special but it was like this even before they get together , he doesn't remember Doyoung changing anything , and the way he put the towel in the bathroom is suspicious too , the order and the way he arrange them in the closest it's just... how Renjun has been doing for years , Sicheng said it's his mom way and even him can't make them look the same .

he decided to forget those things for now until they're done with the project , and maybe latter he can and talk about this with Jaehyun or Sicheng " do i really need to be there ? Doyoung hyung is enough " Renjun whined they were in a final meeting to talk about the opening , and he didn't want to go to the after party , he hate such things and he hate wearing suits the most .

" i won't accept any excuse baby " Ten said and Renjun wanted to protest , but ten spoke again " everyone will be there and that's it , and this is your and Doyoung project so he's enough " .

Doyoung rolled his eyes at ten and looked at Renjun |" come on Renjun i wouldn't be able to finish without you " Doyoung said " and if you get bored i will take you out no mater what time is it " 

" come on Renjun you're not leaving me with those old men " Jeno said pouting " i told you my boyfriend wouldn't make it " he can hear Ten whining about being called old.

" fine i'll see " Renjun said and Doyoung smiled at him.

" can't believe you were going to leave me go alone " Dooyoung said while tying Renjun tie " you look great " he said looking at Renjun wearing a velvet black suit , and his hair was pushed back .

" so i looked bad before ? " Renjun asked pretending to sulk , and he laughed at Doyoung scared face " can i remove the tie ? i feel like i would choke " he said his fingers playing with it , but Doyoung hold his hands and he suddenly looked at Doyoung and remembered something wired .

someone was tying his tie for him smiling at him , it must be his graduation party cause it look like he was in a dorm , but he's not sure , he can't see the other person face but he can hear laughter and he's sure he's not Sicheng or Jaehyun , he taller than Sicheng and don't have Jaehyun dimples , but he has a small scar on his mouth , he tried to remember more but his head start hurt , he held it and Doyoung rushed to him .

" baby what's wrong ? " _baby what's wrong a familiar voice asked and Renjun tried to distinguish the face , but it was a blurred , Jaehyun told him once when his head hurt him that he used to get a headache after drinking coffee in the past , so it must be one of this moments_ , but who is that person " baby are you fine ? " Doyoung sounded so worried and Renjun tried to relax .

" yeah i'm fine " he said and Doyoung looked unconvinced " don't worry i just didn't take my medicine " he said and it was true , he didn't have lunch and Doyoung wasn't there so he didn't knew .

" should i call Jaehyun ? or do we need to go to the hospital ? " Doyoung asked holding his hand .

" no need to worry them " Renjun said " we have a party to attend and they will be there " he added with a smile .

" we don't have to go if you're not feeling well " Doyoung said and kissed Renjun cheeks .

.

" i'm fine we have to go we promised Ten hyung " he said squeezing Doyoung hand " i'm fine and i'll tell you if something happens .

" promise ? " he said and Renjun kissed him taking his hand heading out .

the party wasn't bad but all could Doyoung focused about on was Renjun , the younger looked better after he make sure that he ate and take his medicine before they left, but he can't help getting worried, he thought they would stay a little longer and leave so he could rest .

" he's not going anyway hyung , no need to keep staring at him like this you look creepy " Jaehyun said surprising him " i mean Renjun he's not going anywhere " .

Doyoung looked about Jaehyun and decided it would be good idea to ask him , he was Renjun doctor after all "i'm just worried " he barely finished the sentence and Jaehyun gaze shifted .

" why ? something happened ? he alright right ? " Doyoung was taken aback with the question and didn't answer " hyung you're scaring me " he added now he was the one who was watching Renjun .

" he forgot to take his medicine and get a headache before we came " Doyoung explained " i told him to stay home or to go to the hospital , but he said it's fine " he looked at Jaehyun like he waited for an answer " he's fine right ? " he asked and Jaehyun looked at him .

" this happen sometimes and if he wanted to come I guess he's fine " Jaehyun said and Doyoung felt better a little " but you should be careful it won't happen again , the headache can be strong sometimes , specially if he pushed himself to remember " Jaehyun warned him and Doyoung looked at Renjun again , he was laughing with Jeno and Sicheng like nothing wrong .

" what are you two doing ? " he didn't notice when Renjun came to them , Sicheng was still standing with Jeno and Ten .

" talking about how you look so beautiful tonight " Jaehyun said pulling Renjun in a hug " i'm so proud of you " 

" go tell Sicheng hyung those words " Renjun said but let Jaehyun hold him while he smiled .

" those are not just my words though ' Jaehyun said " right Doyoung hyung ? " Doyoung know this teasing tone very well but he still nodded .

" of course you look the best tonight " he said pulling Renjun toward him " i can't see anyone else in this party "

" then go check your eyesight " Sicheng voice came and Renjun laughed at his brother " so congratulation both of you " he said but he was looking at Renjun , Doyoung didn't mind cause Renjun smiled wide " we'll be leaving now " he looked at Jaehyun who nodded .

" should we leave too ? " Doyoung said after a while , he thought they stayed here more than enough " it's getting boring here ' he added and Renjun nodded following Doyoung to his car .

Renjun tugged his tie as soon as they closed the apartment door and trow it away , and Doyoung swallowed and watched him , they both didn't drink and Doyoung feel hot already , so he start unbutton his shirt slowly while Renjun didn't moved and just stood at his place watching, he doubt he could be so confident about getting naked with all the scars the accident left on him , even if Doyoung saw him before this was different and he don't want to ruin it .

Doyoung looked at him with intense gaze making him want to cover himself , he bit his lip when Doyoung start taking heavy steps toward him ,it feel like the space between them endless and like he couldn't wait more , once they are close enough their breath mixing , he tilt his head observing Doyoung without moving , both of them just stare at each other eyes , the anticipation build between them . that Renjun think he would crumble with each move Doyoung does making his shirt rustle .

Renjun felt Doyoung hand around his waist while he tucking some of his hair behind his ear , he can feel and hear Doyoung breath hitch , they stood for a moment until Doyoung hand squeezed his hip , he licked his lip his gaze never leaving Renjun face then he finally talked " i want you so much Renjun " his voice was low and seducing " do you want me too ? " he asked .

Renjun tensed thinking a little does he want Doyoung ? he does but he scared , but he want to forget everything completely and follow to his racing heart , he already forget a lot , but he want to remember this ,so he slip his hand around Doyoung neck , pulling him down until their lips meet , and everything changed after they start gripping each other , Doyoung pushed him until his back hit the wall , he was keeping a gentle hand on him , a thigh came between his legs nudging his legs apart pressing against his arousal .

Doyoung careful slipped under his open shirt , feeling the skin of his back , his finger traced over one of his scars , and Renjun shivered when Doyoung kissed him , Renjun can't think right at the moment , he gasped in Doyoung mouth when he bit and nibbles at his lip , the kisses get wet and messy , Renjun felt dizzy when Doyoung pulled back, there was saliva strings between them .

" hyung " Renjun breathed.

" i got you baby " Doyoung replied his hands on Renjun erection making Renjun groan and rest his head on Doyoung shoulder " tell me what do you want ? " he asked kissing Renjun neck .

" less clothes please " rRnjun mouthed holding on Doyoung shoulders for support, Doyoung smiled at him and pulled back throwing his shirt away , revealing his chest and the few muscles he has , Renjun focused on his fingers while doing the belt and he catches Doyoung gaze who smirked causing his heart to drop.

" what on your mind baby " Doyoung said holding Renjun gaze .

" how good your hands would feel against my body ' he blurts not wanting more teasing .

Doyoung look became heavy lidded , his hands went under the back of his shirts carrying him , while holding him close Renjun just blinked at him , feeling giddy and warm while Doyoung walked them through the dark to the bedroom , Doyoung paced him gently on the soft sheets .

he start with his fingers on Renjun watching his face for any discomfort , he teased him and Renjun couldn't do anything other than groaning and arching his back , feeling the heat build inside him , he tried to push Doyoung away when he take longer than necessary to make sure he won't hurt Renjun , his eyes shut and his body shaking , Doyoung other hand doing wonder on his cock , and he felt too such moaning loudly until he came with Doyoung name coming from his mouth .

he felt his body collapsing while waves of pleasure going through his body , he opened his eyes to the sight of Doyoung licking his slick from his fingers, then leaning to kiss him tongues licking his mouth , and he could feel harden again " you're so good baby " he heard Doyoung pants against his mouth " i'll make love to you ".

the simple words have strong effect on Renjun whole body , the words burning his ears and body , he gripped on Doyoung back tightly " please " everything was so much to handle , Doyoung looked like god , red lips , hair sticking in a messy way over his head , unfocused eyes , his clean hand playing with Renjun long hair , he should've got a hair cut , but the feeling of Doyoung fingers through his hair when they lay down to sleep is so good to give on , he so gentle with Renjun always scared to hurt him ,and now is no different.

he kissed him softly pouring his feelings on the kiss , no matter who Doyoung fucked while they were apart it would be always nothing in comparing to this , he felt Doyoung hand going to the nightstand drawer where Renjun saw him putting some condoms before " my perfect baby , you're so beautiful i can loot at you for ever " and Renjun wanted nothing more than staying in Doyoung embrace for ever .

the days after were like dream Doyoung didn't leave Renjun side for a second , they got a few days off to rest ,Renjun decided yet if he wanted to stay in the company , his contract was just for the project ,Ten already offered him a job but he didn't decided yet .

they didn't talk about it yet ,all they do cuddle , make love and tell each other how they loved each other , Doyoung spoiled Renjun like he was a child , and Renjun enjoyed it , he loved to wake up in Doyoung embrace , to his kisses or his sweet voice , but today he wake up alone when the sun start bothering his eyes , he wake up surprised to be alone in bed , he looked around and noticed note on Doyoung picture on his nightstand .

_**morning baby you looked so peaceful and i didn't want to wake you up i went to get a few things , i would pass by Jungwoo coffee shop and bring breakfast , text me if you need anything .** _

_**love you so much ~~** _

Renjun smiled and put the note on the drawer , it wasn't late which mean that Doyoung didn't left long time ago , he can get up and take a shower until he come back , he rubbed his eyes to get up m but when he opened his eyes he stared at the picture where Doyoung placed the note , and picked the frame to take a better look at it , it was a picture of Doyoung posing while setting on a wooden stairs .

there was something about the photo make it familiar , but Renjun never paid it mind before ,it look like it was taken years ago and Renjun didn't knew Doyoung back then , he took it out of the frame and noticed something written on the back of the picture .

**look how i take a handsome photo of you Kim Dongyoung , but you didn't put effort in mine so we're leaving it on the hotel wall , so you bring me here and take new pictures , remember me each time you look at it even if we're not together .**

**Huang Renjun .**

that can't be him right the date on the picture is five years ago , before he lost his memories , but he couldn't have knew Doyoung since then , **_Renjun baby look here_** , the voice called in his head it was familiar yet Renjun didn't want to believe it .

_'look how i take a beautiful photos of you but you make mine wired ?'_

_'stop pouting and come here let's take a picture together ' the one who was talking was wearing the same clothes in the picture on his hand , he bent down to let Renjun put his hand around his shoulder ....._

" that can't be ... " Renjun said in disbelief if this true then everyone lied to him , he get up quickly causing the frame to fall down and broke , but he didn't pay it any mind , he rushed to change his clothes and went out , he was thankful that the address was printed on the picture , it was far place but it didn't matter he wanted to find the truth .

he stopped taxi while holding picture dearly , he rest his head against the window watching the building disappearing , and trees appears instead he doesn't realize how long he was on a taxi , but it must been long cause the taxi driver asked him if he could stop on the gas station to pee .

Renjun looked around the place still far according to the driver , but he already able to see beautiful scenes around , he closed his eyes feeling the ground moving under his legs , he hear someone saying his name but he enable to figure if it was true or not , he went to the car and tried to sleep a little .

_i love you Huang Renjun_

_i love you too Kim Dongyoung_

_yeah ! i told you to not call me that_

_' Doyoung hyung don't forget me even if we broke up , keep our memories in your mind , it's ok for your heart to not love me anymore , but please don't forget me cause i won't "_

_' i would love you with my mind and heart for ever my Renjun , we'll be together for ever unless you don't want me anymore '_

the man in Renjun memories was definitely Doyoung , but they both broke their promises , Renjun forget Doyoung and Doyoung left him " sir we're here " the taxi driver voice wake him from his thought , he paid and walked around , he walked around the area and a glimpse of unclear memories came across his mind , he remembering setting on the swing and Doyoung pushed him , he walked , more and there was a small lake he remember setting under the tree with Doyoung , they watch the stars and telling each other endless promises .

Renjun spotted the guest house and walked there , he walked inside and was surprised that the old lady greeted him warmly and asked about his boyfriend , she noticed the picture on his hand and told him that his still on the wall , he went and found a similar picture on the wall .

**the love of my life look great , but he keep complaining the i didn't take a good picture of him and won't let me take it with me , but i still love him kkk , he look good though even with his silly fake glasses , oh god i love him so much , he now glaring at me for what i wrote , he look so cute when he get angry, Huang Renjun my baby I love so much .**

**your Kim Doyoung .**

_' what take you so long ? are you writing an essay there ? '_

_' just give me a second, you didn't let me keep the picture at least let me write how i feel '_

_'i would let you if you take a good picture , if you think it's unfair we would come here again to take new pictures "_

_" ok , don't change your mind latter , you're graduating next year , so we can stay more than just week , i won't accept an objection '_

Doyoung was going crazy , he get back home and Renjun was nowhere to be found , everything is on his place ,even the bed is not made , there was the broken frame on the floor , and he don't want to believe that Renjun remember and ran away from him .

he tried to call him but his phone was still on the charger , he waited more to call Sicheng and Jaehyun who came here as soon as possible , they were discussing going out to look for him when he get a massage from Haechan , he doesn't know why he was calling today , even when he was the only person who still talking to his from the past , cause he was mad cause Renjun left him too , but it had been awhile since they talked .

 **are you looking for this ?** he send with a picture of Renjun back , he immediately take his phone out calling him " Haechan where are you ? is Renjun with you ? " he asked in one breath .

" he went to your place but he looked wired i called him and he didn't respond ,that traitor , i thought he was here to see me , but he still came for you-- " 

" Heachan Renjun doesn't remember so don't dare to say any ridiculous thing , it would be better if you stay away i'm coming " Doyoung cut him looking for his key .

" what do you mean he doesn't remember ? "Haechan asked .

" latter Haechan latter " Doyoung said " i'm warning you one stupid move and i'll tell Jeno everything " Doyoung said and hung up not waiting to Haechan reply " we need to go i'll tell you on the road " he told the confused Jaehyun and Sicheng .

it was already dark when Doyoung arrived to where Renjun was , he ran out of the door inside the guest house and the old lady told him Renjun went out , he went to search him and spotted Haechan standing on the lake way , he went there knowing the latter knew where Renjun " where is he ? "

" tell me what happen first " Haechan said crossing his arms .

" look Haechan i have no time for this go and ask Jaehyun " Doyoung said annoyed " just tell me where is he ? " Haechan sighed and pointed at the old tree and Doyoung saw him setting under it , he ran toward him while Haechan caught Sicheng and Jaehyun .

Renjun looked when he hear steps approaching , he saw Doyoung walking toward him and Sicheng and Jaehyun talking to someone a little far " what are you doing here ? " he asked when Doyoung was close enough to hear .

" baby ..." Doyoung said and knelled next him " listen to me please " he pleaded .

" i don't know hyung " Renjun said his voice choked and Doyoung hated himself " i trust you but you fooled me " Renjun said tears start falling from his eyes " all of you " he said looking at Jaehyun and Sicheng .

" it's not like that i swear , i never thought of doing such thing , i didn't even knew you lost your memories when we meet again " Doyoung start and suddenly rain start falling " i was just scared of losing you again ".

" oh really ? why then you didn't try to find me before ? why you weren't there when i wake up feeling my world crashing ? what do you want from me anymore ? " Renjun said while sobbing " i remember us being happy promising each other to stay together so what happened ? ".

" i'll tell you everything but let's go inside first you're going to get sick " Doyoung said taking his jacket putting on renjun shoulder , Renjun anted to protest but this was the last thing he needed now , so he get up by himself refusing the hand Doyoung offered to help him , he feel his legs weak but he still refused to hold on Sicheng or Jaehyun when he get to them .

they went inside and booked a room to talk and Haechan followed " who's that ? " Renjun asked looking at him .

" you really don't remember me ? i'm lee Donghyuk your best friend " Haechan said and Renjun looked at Sicheng and Jaehyun for confirmation and they nodded.

" oh really ? another traitor then " he said without thinking .

" yeah ! you the one who disappeared and i tried to look for you , but i was away when you two broke up , and this idiot didn't knew anything and i couldn't reach to this two " Haechan said and Doyoung shoot him a look " don't give me that look with or without memories he still ready to attack " .

" so who going to explain first " Renjun said looking at everyone in the room .

" i promised to tell you everything so i'll ' Doyoung said " we meet when you start university i was your TA back then , we fought and bickered a lot cause you were so smart and the professor asked me to work with you , but both of us were stubborn and ready to attack each other , and one day we slept together and then everything changed , Jaehyun and Sicheng weren't together back then , you were so beautiful and smart and we completed each other , we were in love and happy , but we fought a lot and when we fought it always become bad ... " Doyoung paused to take a breath he was crying too " it was still fine for years cause no matter how much we fought we always found away to get back together , until i quite my job and you graduated , we fought everyday over the smallest things and said hurtful things without thinking , you had a bright future a head of you while i was depressed ... and i start to convince myself that you would be better without me ,and that i was holding you down with me ... you tried to fix things but i wanted to end everything ...and did and you were gone from my life after " 

" Sicheng hyung " Renjun said through his sobs , and his brother went to his side " is it true ?" .

" i'm sorry for not telling you before " Sicheng nodded saying " but you called me in the day you two broke up , you were crying so much and told me you two broke up , you were driving your car , and i told you to stop so i'll come and get you "Sicheng stopped talking he was crying too now " and suddenly there was a loud crush sound , and all i could hear after you groaning in pain , i didn't knew where you were or..or " Sicheng couldn't talk from the crying .

" Shh , it's over baby " Jaehyun hold him close , and Sicheng hold his boyfriend wet shirt " you were brought to the hospital i worked on , and i called him immediately , you suffered from a lot of serious injuries , broken bones and ribs , internal bleeding , a strong hit on the head , the police said a van driver couldn't control his vehicle and hit your car , you went through two serious surgery , and you stayed in the intensive treatment for two weeks , you were supposed to wake up after we stopped going you anesthetic , on the first week , but you didn't and we were told you were in a coma .. "

" oh my poor friend you went through a lot " Haechan said hugging Renjun .

" month and half passed until you wake up , but you said you remembered nothing , we were already told that your brain damaged and that there's a possibility that you won't remember , talk , walk or see .....you were in a mess going through panic attack almost every day , and i and Sicheng couldn't do anything , so i decided to try to talk to Doyoung hyung , i though seeing him would help you to remember or at least he would stay by your side , even when sicheng threaten me not to ,or he would break up with me , i went and tried to talk about you , but he didn't want to hear ... " Renjun inhaled remembering now that Jaehyun and Doyoung used to be best friends , but Jaehyun must be mad if stopped talking to him " it talk you half year to discharge from the hospital and it was so hard for you to start for zero , you went through hard program of psychical and psychiatric treatment , and you know the rest " .

" baby i know i was so selfish , and i should have been next you in the hard time " Doyoung said kneeling in front of Renjun " ... but please give me a chance to fix my mistake and stay with you " .

" hyung take me with you " Renjun said to Jaehyun without looking at doyoung , Jaehyun carried to Haechan car , since it was raining and they came with Doyoung , Haechan let them use it , Sicheng sat next him after Renjun refused to let him set next him .

Doyoung texted Jaehyun to ask about Renjun , who went to his room without saying anything , they tried to make him eat the next morning , but he couldn't sallow more than a few bits , he slept almost all the day and when they check up on him again he was burning with fever , it was excepted after staying under the rain with his thin clothes .

Doyoung wanted to come when he knew , but Jaehyun told him to give him some time , Renjun fever lasted for two days his body was weak and he wasn't eating " cone Renjun you need to take your medicine " Sicheng said he brought him the soup Jaehyun made before he went to work .

Renjun couldn't finish more than half of it , but it was better than nothing " hyung where are my things from before the accident ? " he asked surprising sicheng .

" what do you want to do with them ? " Sicheng asked knowing that he can't avoid Renjun .

" i want to look through them " Renjun said " you still have them right ? " he asked .

Sicheng get up and left the room , he come back with a big box in his hands " here everything was with you when the accident happened , some of them Doyoung sent them latter " he put it next Renjun on the bed " i'll leave you alone " he said and left giving Renjun some privacy .

Renjun moved slowly taking a look inside the box , there was pictures , couple things , camera , a few presents , and a lot of things , he take photo album and looked at it , it was full of picture of him and Doyoung together , or things and places the visited together , each picture bring new memory to his head , he start looking through the picture of them being happy , wondering what happened that they fall apart .

he spend all the night looking through the things on the box , and found some massages and notes here and there , he was thankful that Jaehyun and Sicheng didn't bother him , he hugged the big shirt that make him feel hugging the older , he miss him and want to be with him more than anything , but his heart still hurt so much from everything and he's not ready to see him , he fall asleep while crying and hugging the shirt.

it had been two months now since Renjun knew everything , and the last time Doyoung heard of him , he was thankful that Jaehyun let him know how he was doing through texts and calls , Renjun doesn't go out most of the time he stay home , and Doyoung would drive to stand his car under the window to get a glimpse of his shadow , he was dying to hear his sound and see his face .

Jaehyun called him one day asking to meet , and Doyoung drove like crazy scared that something happened , he walked in the coffee shop where Jaehyun was waiting already and walked to where he was setting " what happened ? is everything alright ? " he asked as soon he sat down .

" calm down a little hyung " Jaehyun said not meeting his eyes " i won't talk a lot and say it directly , Renjun is gone hyung ... " Doyoung eyes winded and Jaehyun shake his head and spoke " i mean he left Korea last night going to Italy , and wanted me to tell you to not wait for him cause he would be away for a while " .

" you're joking right ? this not funny Jaehyun " Doyoung prayed to everything for this to be a bad joke , but Jaehyun said nothing " why you didn't tell me before so i could saw him last time ? ".

it was his wish not mine hyung , he still fighting to get used to everything , and he wasn't ready to meet you and we all respect his wish " Jaehyun said sounded sad " i know you're sad but this is the best for him now, he wasn't alright after the guesthouse , and he barely went out or talked , and it wasn't until the last week that he decided to go " Jaehyun explained.

" where did he go and why ? " Doyoung asked .

" he meet with the professor you worked with when Haechan forced him to visit your university and he offered him the job , he told us to not tell you cause he wasn't ready yet to see you , he would be there for a while ... " Jaehyun said chewing on his lips and Doyoung knew he was hidden something else .

" what else ? " 

" i think and i'm not sure of this , but i guess he remember everything now , he said nothing and refused to talk with us about it " he said apologetic .

" can't you tell me where he is ? " Doyoung asked helplessly .

" i can't cause i don't know , he refused to tell us scared that we might tell you " Jaehyun said and get up " i'm sorry hyung " Jaehyun patted his back and left .

the days become all the same after he knew he can't meet Renjun, he has no reason to live for , he would spent most of his time drinking even while he work , Jeno tried to stop him and ten was mad every time he saw him .

" wake up this a company and not a hotel " he feel someone shaking him , but he has no energy to move " i'll pour cold water on you if you didn't wake up " Ten threaten and Doyoung knew he would do that for real .

" i'm awake happy ? " he said glaring at Ten without getting up .

" not unless you sober up and become a human " Ten said nudging him to set .

" i don't want to sober ... i just want to forget " Doyoung said and ten rolled his eyes .

" it has been months already if you were going to forget you would have forget " yeah talking was easy when it's not your problem " we have work to do live didn't stop ".

Doyoung know that but he can barely breath , each breath choking him more than the before " what do you want Ten ? " he asked .

" there's a project with an Italian company and i want you to take of " Doyoung was about to answer " say no and i'll make sure you have no place to work , you have two weeks to prepare " ten threaten and Doyoung couldn't believe he was sending him there easily .

Doyoung can't believe his plane landed in country he can't speak their language , his English was fine but not enough to a business level , he really admired Renjun more for coming here .

there was person waiting him and take him to the hotel to rest before tomorrow meeting ,he was so tired and fall sleep the moment he put his head on the pillow hoping to meet Renjun on his dreams .

Doyoung sat on the meeting room feeling out of place , hearing people talking and not understanding anything, they were waiting for someone to start, then without realization Renjun was standing in front of him " hi , i'm Huang Renjun i hope we can work together well " he said and bowed , the only thing Doyoung get is i'm Huang Renjun since he spoke in Italian , even when he has translator setting behind him translating in his ear.

but all could he focus about how Renjun sounded sexy when he spoke Italian ,he was confident as always even when his accent was heavy a little , but Doyoung wasn't surprised , Renjun was always the good one with language , surprising a lot of people when he tell them he's not Korean .

the meeting didn't last more than hour , everyone introduced himself with Renjun not looking at him once , he excepted this to happen when they meet . but it still hurt so much to be ignored .

the blonde CEO told him to wait and make him and Renjun shake hands , Renjun treated him the way he treated him when they meet in ten company , cold and distant making him want to walk out the room as soon as possible .

he was waiting outside looking at the shinning sky , when a taxi stopped in front of him , the window went down and Renjun was there " do you need a ride ? "he asked and Doyoung froze at his place not able to say anything , causing Renjun to open the door and walk out " it would be hard to find a taxi when you don't know the language " he said and waited until Doyoung get in . 

Renjun said nothing the whole ride to him , he just told the driver his address , and Doyoung didn't dare to talk until the taxi stop and Renjun walked out and waited him to do the same . he walked out following him to a small building , Renjun opened the door and let him in .

" what are we doing here ? " he asked confused taking a look at the small tidy apartment .

" i brought you here to kill you " Renjun said rolling his eyes " of course to talk i can't go back to Korea now , so I thought i can bring you here " he said pushing Doyoung to set on the couch .

" what ? you're kidding right ? " Doyoung asked surprised .

" of course not i showed the CEO your drawing and talked about you , and he wanted to work with you , but i didn't do that for the project or the company " Renjun setting too close " are you mad ? "he asked while looking at Doyoung blinking a few times , making it hard for Doyoung to breath .

" of course not ... j- just surprised " Doyoung gulped when Renjun got closer .

" good cause i missed you so much " Renjun said breathing against Doyounng neck , his breath hot and tickling Doyoung skin " did you miss me too hyung ? " fuck Doyoung didn't a way that can't be explained , he close his eyes when Renjun sat on his lap his hands on his chest .

" you have no idea how much " he breathed holding Renjun close , he opened his eyes meeting his " my life stopped the day you didn't wanted to see me anymore ---" 

" hyung let's let this for later please " Renjun pleaded " just hold me tonight ? " he asked titling his head and Doyoung nodded before leaning to kiss him , pressing his lips against Renjun to show him how much he did , and Renjun hold Doyoung face ,the kiss was soft then grew heated tongues sliding filthily against each other , and all what Doyoung that night is holding Renjun , and everything can be taken care off tomorrow in the morning or later , the important thing is that they are together now 

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE LEAVE WHAT YOU THINK


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